Christians know that they are saved by grace alone. We don’t always act like it, strutting around all proud of our reserved spot in heaven, but we know that the Bible says that there’s nothing that we can do or say to earn God’s approval. It’s not that we weren’t given rules to live by. In fact, there are 613 laws in the Old Testament that, if followed from birth to death without a single mistake, would grant us a place in eternity with God. Problem is we simply can’t fulfill them without messing up. If you don’t believe me, try.
For the most part, I imagine a lot of us Christians don’t really understand the grace that we’ve been granted. We probably realize that Christianity is the only religion where God offers grace when His followers make a mistake. But I don’t personally know many people who have actually attempted to follow those 613 laws. Before last week, I had never even taken the time to know them all, much less try to obey them. I assumed that what the Bible says about those who have tried and failed would be true of me too, and I didn’t see the point in learning them all. Granted, some of them don’t apply to your average believer. Some of the laws are meant only for the priests to observe. Many have to do with sacrifices that we’re no longer able to make because there is no Temple in which to make them. And a lot of us are probably confused by which exactly are God’s laws and which ones were created by His followers years ago in order to not accidentally commit a sin. For example, if we observed one of the laws that was created by man, we couldn’t eat cheeseburgers. God’s law says that you shouldn’t eat a young lamb boiled in his mother’s milk, so to make sure they weren’t doing that by mistake, someone decided to add a law which restricted eating meat and dairy together. Do you see where one could get confused?
There is an article in the latest Christianity Today magazine that talked about a group of people from a congregation who wanted to try to observe some of the laws that God commanded found in the book of Leviticus. Some may think it’s silly of them to have done this. Some may see it as a half-hearted and impossible attempt to earn their way into eternity. But really what they were trying to do was realize just how much their grace was worth, and in the process, they gained a new appreciation for what Christ did on the cross.
A few of the members participating in the Living Leviticus challenge changed their eating habits. There are several dietary restrictions in the Old Testament. Most believers don’t see them as necessary to follow anymore because back then, eating of those items would have made one sick. God made those particular laws to keep His followers alive and healthy. But then our egotistical, wicked hearts had to go around judging others who did partake of those items. The people who ate the forbidden food were then shunned by believers, ignored and downright hated. But God didn’t create those laws so that we could feel better than everyone else, so when He saw how we treated others who didn’t follow those laws, He told Peter that it wasn’t what went into the body that made us unclean, but rather what came out of it. (Acts 10:15) You could keep all the dietary restrictions that there were and still be seen as unclean by God. God basically told Peter to stop considering those items unclean and start questioning whether his actions towards others were drawing them closer to God or farther and farther away. This is another reason we don’t observe these dietary restrictions anymore. God Himself said it was alright. Those who changed their eating habits during the time they spent intentionally trying to follow the laws in Leviticus became much more appreciative of the freedom they now have and how we are not supposed to judge others who don’t allow themselves that same freedom.
There are many, many laws pertaining to sacrifices in the Old Testament. Sacrifices were meant to show us that when we sin, death is the result. The people in those times had to take their very best grains and oils and animals and offer them to God to eradicate the consequences of their sins – their own death. When it comes to sin, God wanted to make it crystal clear that we can’t sin without something dying. I know that if I saw death every time I sinned, I would probably sin less. Even though we don’t always see it, there is actually a death connected with every single one of our sins: the death of Jesus. God saw how the sacrifices weren’t stopping the people from sinning, so He sacrificed His own Son. Jesus’ death of the cross would become the only sacrifice that would ever be needed to atone for sin. It was God’s plan all along, of course. He knew the way we would end up treating the death of our precious valuables. It’s scarily similar to the way that I can sin and not see Jesus, hanging on a cross, dying so that I can live. I know me. I don’t always acknowledge the gift that Jesus is to me. I don’t make decisions based on whether or not someone has to die because of it. It doesn’t feel relevant to me anymore. I don’t feel personally responsible for Jesus’ death. Now I realize that I’m not solely responsible for it, but I think that if I fail to recognize my part, I won’t be able to understand what exactly it was that God did for me. And that’s why I decided that something needs to be done.
I’m not saying that I’m going to create some new law and expect everyone else to follow it. But I think that I should do something more when I sin. I’m not going to start raising farm animals and reinstate the sacrificial system. Jesus is enough. But instead of taking my grace for granted, I think maybe I need to acknowledge my sins more. Not like going to confession and having someone else hear them for me, although having an accountability partner isn’t a bad idea. No, I think that I should probably take some time every once in a while and take inventory of my thoughts and actions. If there is sin there, I should tell God that I recognize it, seek to completely stop it and ask God to help me stay faithful. It seems simple, but to me, I know that it would be difficult. For one, that list would probably be quite long. Secondly, it’s hard for me to be that humble in front of anyone. I realize that God already knows these things about me. I’m not doing it necessarily to inform Him of my wickedness. It’s more for me to agree with God that these are areas of my life that don’t belong there and need to be blotted out right away. It’s also a way for me to acknowledge that I need God’s help with it. My hope is that my relationship with God would grow, that my gratitude would increase, and that my understanding of grace would improve. Ultimately, the goal is to become more like Jesus, less like me.
In reading through the list of 613 laws last week, I realized that I’d have no chance to get into heaven outside of God’s grace. I knew that already since I’d been told it, but now I feel like I have a firmer grasp of what was commanded of us and by just how far I miss the mark. I pray that my awareness of God’s goodness continues to grow as He and I seek to recognize and work on my own humanness.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
You Complete Me
When I was younger, I used to believe that I had to have one thing that I could do that would be considered bad. One thing that I could turn to when I just needed to feel brave and raw. Over the years, I turned to smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, pills, drinking heavily and self-injury as some of my bad things. I stopped doing drugs and popping pills in 2001. I stopped causing physical harm to myself the same year. I stopped smoking cigs a year after my daughter was born, and God put it firmly on my heart to completely stop drinking shortly after my son was born. But I didn’t want to give up the drinking. It wasn’t that the other addictions weren’t a struggle to put down as well, but that drinking bit was all I had left by that point. I remember wrestling with God about it. I told Him, “Look! I don’t cut anymore. I don’t smoke. I’m not drinking like I used to. I’ve got control over this now, Man. How can you ask me to give up my one last thing? You know how I need one thing to turn to when I need to just let it all out. I’ve given up all my bad habits except this one. If you take it away, what else am I going to turn to?”
I’ll never forget the soft voice that followed: “Me.”
I used to think that goodie-goodies were no fun, that they lacked a certain coolness that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice no matter how much trouble I got into. Don’t get me wrong, I admired their firm stance. I just thought they were ill-informed or scared to try the things that I was “brave” enough to embrace. It wasn’t until later that I realized that when I denied myself an experience of what I considered ‘a bad thing’ or a ‘cool thing,’ I felt neglected and incomplete. When these other people chose to avoid temptation and the inevitable downward spiral that giving in would have created, they felt grateful and complete. They gained strength and confidence when they remained pure in heart, mind and body. I hadn’t known that side of it. I hadn’t acknowledged the character that could be built out of withstanding ridicule from people like me. I hadn’t realized that with every successful avoidance of sin, they were increasing their faith in God and their ability to maintain what they considered important morals to have.
I don’t know if it would have made a difference to me if I’d considered that point of view when I was a teenager. By that time, I was sick and tired of being overlooked. I figured the good-girl image that I’d acquired was to blame. I wanted to be noticed and decided to do something wild and crazy to get that attention from my peers. I think the main difference is that I didn’t know God then. I didn’t have standards. Strength of character and ethics didn’t amount to a hill of beans to me. They do now. And I pray that when my children are old enough to be tempted by the more destructive things of this world, that they will find it a worthy cause to maintain their integrity and exercise some self-control. I pray that they won’t feel incomplete just because their peers won’t always accept and appreciate their goodness. I pray that they understand that God’s opinion of us matters more than the fickle opinions of their peers and that they don’t need anything except God to run to when life gets tough.
I’ll never forget the soft voice that followed: “Me.”
I used to think that goodie-goodies were no fun, that they lacked a certain coolness that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice no matter how much trouble I got into. Don’t get me wrong, I admired their firm stance. I just thought they were ill-informed or scared to try the things that I was “brave” enough to embrace. It wasn’t until later that I realized that when I denied myself an experience of what I considered ‘a bad thing’ or a ‘cool thing,’ I felt neglected and incomplete. When these other people chose to avoid temptation and the inevitable downward spiral that giving in would have created, they felt grateful and complete. They gained strength and confidence when they remained pure in heart, mind and body. I hadn’t known that side of it. I hadn’t acknowledged the character that could be built out of withstanding ridicule from people like me. I hadn’t realized that with every successful avoidance of sin, they were increasing their faith in God and their ability to maintain what they considered important morals to have.
I don’t know if it would have made a difference to me if I’d considered that point of view when I was a teenager. By that time, I was sick and tired of being overlooked. I figured the good-girl image that I’d acquired was to blame. I wanted to be noticed and decided to do something wild and crazy to get that attention from my peers. I think the main difference is that I didn’t know God then. I didn’t have standards. Strength of character and ethics didn’t amount to a hill of beans to me. They do now. And I pray that when my children are old enough to be tempted by the more destructive things of this world, that they will find it a worthy cause to maintain their integrity and exercise some self-control. I pray that they won’t feel incomplete just because their peers won’t always accept and appreciate their goodness. I pray that they understand that God’s opinion of us matters more than the fickle opinions of their peers and that they don’t need anything except God to run to when life gets tough.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Great Outdoors
Yesterday, Ben was off of work so we decided to go hiking. We love going to Flagstaff Summit in Boulder because it's really close, and there are several different trails to choose from. This is the same mountain that we hike the Boy Scout Trail on. Since we're residents of Boulder County, it's free for us to go. Otherwise, it's $3. Not too shabby. We even found a cute shelter that reminded Gillian of Mr. Tumnus' house from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, so we're considering having her birthday party there. She wants a Narnia birthday party this year. Ooh baby, do I have ideas for that!
Here's a shot from the Ute Trail. The kids are viewing Boulder from above. Well, Josh is taking it in. Gillian is apparently making duck calls.
Josh kept trying to run through everything and ended up falling three times on the trail. He skinned up his knees pretty good. After each fall, we would ask him if he could go on or if we needed to turn back. He just wanted a swig of aqua and then he was good. :)
Here's a shot from the Ute Trail. The kids are viewing Boulder from above. Well, Josh is taking it in. Gillian is apparently making duck calls.
Josh kept trying to run through everything and ended up falling three times on the trail. He skinned up his knees pretty good. After each fall, we would ask him if he could go on or if we needed to turn back. He just wanted a swig of aqua and then he was good. :)After the hike, we were just not ready to head home, so we drove over the Boulder Falls to cool off and take in the sights. There were a LOT of people out there. It was surprising. There's almost always people there, but not that many. It was fun.
There was one guy who crossed the river because he wanted to have the waterfall give him a shower. That river, by the way, is STRONG. I'm not sure how he crossed it. Soon after, some kids from the group he was with attempted to cross it too. Soon lots of people were venturing into the waters. Fortunately while we were there, no one got hurt. I pray it stayed that way.
We didn't want to feel left out and always try to dip our feet into the current when we visit here. Here's Ben helping Josh wet his feet.
There was a small section near the falls that seemed to have fairly calm water. It looked like a small pool of resting water. A lot of people were standing in that, so of course, we all wanted a turn. We didn't realize that it was up to Gillian's chest, so her dress got soaked. I love this picture because Gillie is cracking up, enjoying herself fully as Ben's knuckles turn white from gripping her. The look of concern on his face versus the look of complete joy on her face is priceless!
And to prove that photographers can join in on the fun too, here's a shot Ben insisted on taking of me in that small, restful pool. The rocks at the bottom of the pool were very loose and slippery, so I'm not really standing in it so much as leaning into it.
Josh couldn't really go into the pool because the water might have gone over his head. So we found a more shallow area for him to stand in.
Afterwards, we were starving and took in some good ol' Colorado-style pizza at BeauJo's. And because Ben can't resist a nice cool, creamy dessert, we all split a scoop of Gelato. It was yummy!
Then we drove home, stopped in the house to change our wet clothes and went to church. We have found a church up the road from us that we have now visited twice. We're still going to the one in Denver on Sunday mornings, but I really wanted to find a community of people closer to me as well. We like it so far. It's called LifeBridge Christian Church. They have LifeGroups and the kids go to the LifeKids area during 'big church.' When Ben and I got home, we were trying to decide whether we wanted some LifeJalepano-Poppers or some LifeOnion Rings from Sonic. He settled on some LifeBag of Chips and I had some LifeCorn Pops.
Now I realize that was just uncalled for. But last night, in all our delirium, it was hysterical.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Warning : Cuteness
Yesterday, we went looking for school supplies and clothes for Miss G, since she starts Kindergarten in less than a month. We found some really cute things. I mostly went to thrift shops since our new SUV has called dibs on all our money now.
Ok, I must warn you. Yes, these are my kids, not some random kids. Yes, they are truly this cute. Yes, I did actually buy cowboy boots for my daughter to wear. That's right, I did. I might later chalk it up to some crazy pregnancy hormonal urge, but for now we're enjoying them. And yes, Josh is eating a snake in the Amazon. Well, actually, he's pretending to eat a toy snake in front of the window to our backyard. But he'd appreciate it if you believed that first line. 
Ok, I must warn you. Yes, these are my kids, not some random kids. Yes, they are truly this cute. Yes, I did actually buy cowboy boots for my daughter to wear. That's right, I did. I might later chalk it up to some crazy pregnancy hormonal urge, but for now we're enjoying them. And yes, Josh is eating a snake in the Amazon. Well, actually, he's pretending to eat a toy snake in front of the window to our backyard. But he'd appreciate it if you believed that first line.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Rockies, indecent dogs, and marriage
Yesterday after church, my family and I went to a Colorado Rockies ball game. I love baseball and have wanted to see another game live for a while now. My sister in law had been given tickets but couldn’t use them, so we snatched them up and offered the spares to some friends of mine we had already made plans to swim with. We all preferred the game over swimming, so we went. It was really fun to see the Rockies cream the Pirates. My kiddos were total studs. They cheered, they sat in their seats, and they didn't complain or whine. What’s funny is that we had bought some peanuts, and my friend had brought some cracker jacks, so during the seventh inning stretch when we all sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame, we were able to bask in the realization of how cool we were.
After the game, we offered to drive my friend and her daughter home. They had taken the rail to get there. We bought an SUV recently so that when Jack is born we’ll have enough seats to drive everyone around in one vehicle, so we had enough space for all of us. When we got to her apartment, we were greeted by her cute little Boston terrier. I must have been giving off some sort of inviting pregnancy smell or something because not only did this dog french me, he grabbed a hold of my arm and started to hump me! The least he could have done was offer to buy me dinner first! Sheesh!
We drove home, and after picking up some Popeye’s Chicken for dinner, we settled down with the tv because we were just too exhausted to do anything else. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp was on, and Gillian begged us to let her stay up and watch it. Josh had already fallen asleep, and Ben and I would just be doing the same thing anyway, so we agreed. (Ben thought she'd fall asleep long before it was over. Yeah, he must not know her very well!) During a commercial break, she leaned over to me and said that she has a crush on a boy in her Sunday school class. I asked her who, and she said his name is Eli and that he has hair like King Peter from the Narnia movies. (She loves that guy!) She then informs her dad and me that she will marry him. We’ve heard this before about another boy, so I asked her, “But what about Jake? I thought you were going to marry him?”
“Mom, I’m sure he’ll find another girl that he likes more than me that he can marry.”
“Well, you’ve got a long time before you can marry, what if you meet someone that you like more than Eli?”
“I already like someone more than Eli. Who I really like the most is God, but I don’t think I can marry Him.”
And I nearly pass out as I gasp for breath in between my spasms of laughter. What a girl!
After the game, we offered to drive my friend and her daughter home. They had taken the rail to get there. We bought an SUV recently so that when Jack is born we’ll have enough seats to drive everyone around in one vehicle, so we had enough space for all of us. When we got to her apartment, we were greeted by her cute little Boston terrier. I must have been giving off some sort of inviting pregnancy smell or something because not only did this dog french me, he grabbed a hold of my arm and started to hump me! The least he could have done was offer to buy me dinner first! Sheesh!
We drove home, and after picking up some Popeye’s Chicken for dinner, we settled down with the tv because we were just too exhausted to do anything else. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp was on, and Gillian begged us to let her stay up and watch it. Josh had already fallen asleep, and Ben and I would just be doing the same thing anyway, so we agreed. (Ben thought she'd fall asleep long before it was over. Yeah, he must not know her very well!) During a commercial break, she leaned over to me and said that she has a crush on a boy in her Sunday school class. I asked her who, and she said his name is Eli and that he has hair like King Peter from the Narnia movies. (She loves that guy!) She then informs her dad and me that she will marry him. We’ve heard this before about another boy, so I asked her, “But what about Jake? I thought you were going to marry him?”
“Mom, I’m sure he’ll find another girl that he likes more than me that he can marry.”
“Well, you’ve got a long time before you can marry, what if you meet someone that you like more than Eli?”
“I already like someone more than Eli. Who I really like the most is God, but I don’t think I can marry Him.”
And I nearly pass out as I gasp for breath in between my spasms of laughter. What a girl!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Impossible Christian Life
Romans 1:21-32 explains how God gave some people over to their fleshy desires, and then describes what happened to them. Ephesians 4:18-19 says essentially the same thing.
What exactly does this mean?
Does it mean that God had been helping them avoid giving in to their desires before? Did He make it nearly impossible for them to resist their temptations?
Well, that doesn't seem like a very fair fight, now does it? If God expects us to be holy, why would He make it so hard for us to do so?
Well, because it's not about our ability to withstand temptation or not. We just can't. No matter how hard we try. We've proven this over and over and over again. The rules God established in the Old Testament were meant to show us what it would take to be considered holy by God. But we can't fulfill them all. It's not like we haven't tried, but we're just not capable. Is God setting us up for failure? In a sense, yes. I believe the Law was given so that in our efforts to fulfill them, we'd discover our need for help from above; a need for constant, divine intervention from God on our behalf. We weren't created to overcome the temptations of the world alone. We NEED God to help us, to give us the strength to withstand whatever is thrown into our path. We were created to be in a relationship with God, and in our failings, we eventually come to realize that.
Satan sits up with God day and night, trying to get Him to allow certain trials into our lives to prove to God that our faith isn't as strong as we say it is. And sometimes God does indeed allow suffering to befall us in order to force us to see how weak we are. God allowed the hearts and minds of the people in Rome and Ephesus to wander from obeying Him. He allowed them to experience the weakness of their flesh so that they would finally see how depraved they were, hoping that they'd reject it and renew their commitment to follow God's ways instead of their own ways. Sure seems risky of God to let them taste of their evil desires and hope that His ways were more satisfying to them so that they'd reject the fleshy goods for spiritual goods.
But I guess that really is how you would be able to tell who loves you and who doesn't. It isn't obeying if you don't have the choice to disobey. It isn't love if you don't have the opportunity to reject that love in favor of something else. If we can reject the desires of our flesh after experiencing them and commit ourselves to God's ways instead, God can KNOW that we live for Him alone.
A friend of mine wrote in her blog yesterday that "without God living the Christian life is impossible!" I literally laughed out laugh when I read that line. I immediately though, "Well, DUH!" I would think it absurd to assume that you can live the Christian life without God, but I think she's really hit the nail on the head with that statement. It is so blindingly obvious, but it seems perhaps that many of us are trying to 'do good' without letting God guide our paths. We're not really considering what He wants us individually to do. We're all still trying to work our way into His favor. I wonder how many times we do something good for someone else and sit back feeling smug and high and mighty, holy even. And I wonder how many times we thank God for the opportunity to be His hands and feet in this world and instead give Him all the glory and honor and praise. And I wonder how many times we feel awesome about how wonderful we are because we have given glory to God.
ugh. we're wretched. seriously. At least, I am. No doubt about it. Thank God for God.
What exactly does this mean?
Does it mean that God had been helping them avoid giving in to their desires before? Did He make it nearly impossible for them to resist their temptations?
Well, that doesn't seem like a very fair fight, now does it? If God expects us to be holy, why would He make it so hard for us to do so?
Well, because it's not about our ability to withstand temptation or not. We just can't. No matter how hard we try. We've proven this over and over and over again. The rules God established in the Old Testament were meant to show us what it would take to be considered holy by God. But we can't fulfill them all. It's not like we haven't tried, but we're just not capable. Is God setting us up for failure? In a sense, yes. I believe the Law was given so that in our efforts to fulfill them, we'd discover our need for help from above; a need for constant, divine intervention from God on our behalf. We weren't created to overcome the temptations of the world alone. We NEED God to help us, to give us the strength to withstand whatever is thrown into our path. We were created to be in a relationship with God, and in our failings, we eventually come to realize that.
Satan sits up with God day and night, trying to get Him to allow certain trials into our lives to prove to God that our faith isn't as strong as we say it is. And sometimes God does indeed allow suffering to befall us in order to force us to see how weak we are. God allowed the hearts and minds of the people in Rome and Ephesus to wander from obeying Him. He allowed them to experience the weakness of their flesh so that they would finally see how depraved they were, hoping that they'd reject it and renew their commitment to follow God's ways instead of their own ways. Sure seems risky of God to let them taste of their evil desires and hope that His ways were more satisfying to them so that they'd reject the fleshy goods for spiritual goods.
But I guess that really is how you would be able to tell who loves you and who doesn't. It isn't obeying if you don't have the choice to disobey. It isn't love if you don't have the opportunity to reject that love in favor of something else. If we can reject the desires of our flesh after experiencing them and commit ourselves to God's ways instead, God can KNOW that we live for Him alone.
A friend of mine wrote in her blog yesterday that "without God living the Christian life is impossible!" I literally laughed out laugh when I read that line. I immediately though, "Well, DUH!" I would think it absurd to assume that you can live the Christian life without God, but I think she's really hit the nail on the head with that statement. It is so blindingly obvious, but it seems perhaps that many of us are trying to 'do good' without letting God guide our paths. We're not really considering what He wants us individually to do. We're all still trying to work our way into His favor. I wonder how many times we do something good for someone else and sit back feeling smug and high and mighty, holy even. And I wonder how many times we thank God for the opportunity to be His hands and feet in this world and instead give Him all the glory and honor and praise. And I wonder how many times we feel awesome about how wonderful we are because we have given glory to God.
ugh. we're wretched. seriously. At least, I am. No doubt about it. Thank God for God.
Monday, July 14, 2008
We May Need an Extra Room for the Tooth Fairy
Yeah, that's right. Miss G has lost her second tooth. We were getting ready for church yesterday morning, and the kiddos were wrestling (what's new?), and then there was a collision between her mouth and the Joshinator's knee. I told Gillie to get a wet washcloth to hold to her mouth, and then less than a minute later, she runs into my room giggling and squealing with delight. Her other tooth had been knocked out. Hubby said that the tooth fairy may have to start leaving I-O-U's if this keeps up. :)
and here's what just slays me. When she got her first visit from the tooth fairy, she immediately asked to go to the dollar store. I laughed, because I too used to spend every cent I had as soon as I had it. But once we got there, she picked out one thing for herself, and then told Josh, me and her dad to get something for ourselves. She even picked out something for Jack. I didn't let her, although maybe I should have since it was her money to do with what she decided. I told her that I would be happiest watching her pick out things that she liked. She relented, but still had to buy Josh a stretchy, sticky centipede.
Well, we just got back from our second visit to the dollar store after she awoke this morning to find the tooth fairy had visited yet again. She bought Josh two things this time. She said that she wanted to get him those particular two toys "with all my heart." How can you question that?
What a heart this girl has! She asked me how much money she'd have if she saved all her tooth fairy money. At $5 a tooth, and about 30 teeth, I told her she'd have about $150 dollars after she lost them all. Here was her response : "Wow! Then I could REALLY help the poor!"
Is it possible for a parent to be any more proud of her kids? I think not.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Stupid Lady in the Lake
Besides the excitement of Gillian's first tooth coming out yesterday, Ben and I took the kiddos to the lake. We have a lake right up the road from us that the kids and I had been to before, but Ben had yet to visit. It was lovely. The water was comfortable and the sand was fun for the kids. Ben and I spent most of our time there sitting in waist high water, digging in the ground beneath us for perfectly smooth, flat rocks to skip.
Hubby and I took the kiddos out past where they could stand with their little heads above the water and held on to them as we each took turns doing handstands and frontward and backwards flips. At the lake in Texas that we used to visit, I would often swim out to the edge of the roped off portion, grab the rope and lift it so everyone knew I'd actually reached it, and then swim back. So I really, really wanted to do that again. I let Ben go first so he'd be more willing to watch the kiddos for me when I went, and he only made it halfway to the edge before returning to us. In my head, I was giggling a bit at him. He warned me that it is farther away than it seems and since I'm pregnant, I need to take it easy. 'No problem,' I told him as I headed out, fully intending to reach that blasted edge no matter what.
I started off strong, hoping that it impressed hubby and the kiddos. In fact, I could hear Ben telling them how strong I looked and letting them know that THAT was the way real swimming looked like. I was invigorated by it. About halfway to the edge, I had to remind myself that I was in a lake and not the ocean, because my fear of drowning was starting to take over, and I began praying that sharks wouldn't grab at my legs and pull me under. (I never said my fear was rational - just that it's a very real part of my life. The only nightmares I have these days involve drowning of some sort. I had one just two days ago that woke me up entirely too early, and I just couldn't calm down long enough to go back to sleep.) I was even praying that harmless, little fish wouldn't bump into me because I knew I would have freaked out.
The water was pretty deep at this point, so I knew I'd have to work to stay afloat. I did reach the edge, grabbed the rope and pulled it up so that my kids could see that I'd reached it. Then I turned around. The distance to my children and my husband seemed like a thousand miles. I started to panic. My muscles were sore and stiff, and my lungs were getting hot and tight. I was worried. I couldn't calm down my thoughts long enough to realize that I could catch my breath and regain some strength and resolve if I just flipped over onto my back and floated for a minute or two. All I could think of was that I had to swim back to where I could put my feet on solid ground. Ben was holding both our kids in water too deep for them, so I knew he couldn't help me. If I would have had the strength, I would have cried out for him to alert the lifeguard to come help me. But I couldn't wave my arms or whisper much less yell for help. I was so weak. I kept berating myself for having pushed myself this far. I kept thinking that I wasn't getting enough oxygen to little Jack or myself and that I would pass out soon and just sink without any crazy movements that would've alerted the lifeguard to my struggle. I kept wondering if this is what it would feel like if I were stranded out in the ocean. At what point do you give up on rescue and just let yourself sink? (Do you see the insanity of my fear? I am seriously nutzo!)
After several minutes of panic and doggy paddling, I made it close enough to Ben that he was able to say, "I think you can stand there." I haven't heard more precious words in years. I put my feet down and lo and behold, there was the soft, squishy algae-covered rocks and sand I was counting on. I was relieved, but I knew I wasn't out of the woods just yet. I kept walking right on past my family. I couldn't yet speak. All I could do was suck as much air as I could into my lungs. There was a loud wheeze to my breathing, and it concerned Ben, as did the look of crazed panic in my eyes as I got closer and closer to him. As I walked past him without really looking at him, he asked me to nod my head if I was ok. I did nod, but it's only because I didn't want to scare the kids and knew that I'd be able to sit in shallower water soon. As soon as I could, I found a place to plant my behind and regain my strength. I felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid. I was mad at myself. I knew I was a fool. I couldn't believe that I would be too weak for such a short swim, but I certainly was.
So if you're like me (stubborn as a mule, but with no physical ability to back up your visions of grandeure), don't go swimming too far out in the lake this summer. Especially at an elevation that you're not used to. Especially if you're pregnant and your body just can't do the same things that you're used to it doing. Especially if your spouse can't physically help you because he's keeping your two children above water. And especially if those two kiddos are going to be forced to Watch You Act Like A Blooming Fool!!
Here are the kiddos playing with the sand.
My little worker bee.
and this picture I took because I am a mean, mean ol' hag who didn't want to be the only one looking pregnant in my photos. :)
There was a section that was roped off that boats were prohibited from entering. It was meant to be the safe place for swimmers. There was even a lifeguard posted up in his glamourized high chair. I wanted to go deeper and do flips and and spins in the water. When I'm pregnant, there are not a lot of positions that I can get into comfortably unless I'm in the water. So I try to swim as often as possible.
Hubby and I took the kiddos out past where they could stand with their little heads above the water and held on to them as we each took turns doing handstands and frontward and backwards flips. At the lake in Texas that we used to visit, I would often swim out to the edge of the roped off portion, grab the rope and lift it so everyone knew I'd actually reached it, and then swim back. So I really, really wanted to do that again. I let Ben go first so he'd be more willing to watch the kiddos for me when I went, and he only made it halfway to the edge before returning to us. In my head, I was giggling a bit at him. He warned me that it is farther away than it seems and since I'm pregnant, I need to take it easy. 'No problem,' I told him as I headed out, fully intending to reach that blasted edge no matter what.
I started off strong, hoping that it impressed hubby and the kiddos. In fact, I could hear Ben telling them how strong I looked and letting them know that THAT was the way real swimming looked like. I was invigorated by it. About halfway to the edge, I had to remind myself that I was in a lake and not the ocean, because my fear of drowning was starting to take over, and I began praying that sharks wouldn't grab at my legs and pull me under. (I never said my fear was rational - just that it's a very real part of my life. The only nightmares I have these days involve drowning of some sort. I had one just two days ago that woke me up entirely too early, and I just couldn't calm down long enough to go back to sleep.) I was even praying that harmless, little fish wouldn't bump into me because I knew I would have freaked out.
The water was pretty deep at this point, so I knew I'd have to work to stay afloat. I did reach the edge, grabbed the rope and pulled it up so that my kids could see that I'd reached it. Then I turned around. The distance to my children and my husband seemed like a thousand miles. I started to panic. My muscles were sore and stiff, and my lungs were getting hot and tight. I was worried. I couldn't calm down my thoughts long enough to realize that I could catch my breath and regain some strength and resolve if I just flipped over onto my back and floated for a minute or two. All I could think of was that I had to swim back to where I could put my feet on solid ground. Ben was holding both our kids in water too deep for them, so I knew he couldn't help me. If I would have had the strength, I would have cried out for him to alert the lifeguard to come help me. But I couldn't wave my arms or whisper much less yell for help. I was so weak. I kept berating myself for having pushed myself this far. I kept thinking that I wasn't getting enough oxygen to little Jack or myself and that I would pass out soon and just sink without any crazy movements that would've alerted the lifeguard to my struggle. I kept wondering if this is what it would feel like if I were stranded out in the ocean. At what point do you give up on rescue and just let yourself sink? (Do you see the insanity of my fear? I am seriously nutzo!)
After several minutes of panic and doggy paddling, I made it close enough to Ben that he was able to say, "I think you can stand there." I haven't heard more precious words in years. I put my feet down and lo and behold, there was the soft, squishy algae-covered rocks and sand I was counting on. I was relieved, but I knew I wasn't out of the woods just yet. I kept walking right on past my family. I couldn't yet speak. All I could do was suck as much air as I could into my lungs. There was a loud wheeze to my breathing, and it concerned Ben, as did the look of crazed panic in my eyes as I got closer and closer to him. As I walked past him without really looking at him, he asked me to nod my head if I was ok. I did nod, but it's only because I didn't want to scare the kids and knew that I'd be able to sit in shallower water soon. As soon as I could, I found a place to plant my behind and regain my strength. I felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid. I was mad at myself. I knew I was a fool. I couldn't believe that I would be too weak for such a short swim, but I certainly was.
So if you're like me (stubborn as a mule, but with no physical ability to back up your visions of grandeure), don't go swimming too far out in the lake this summer. Especially at an elevation that you're not used to. Especially if you're pregnant and your body just can't do the same things that you're used to it doing. Especially if your spouse can't physically help you because he's keeping your two children above water. And especially if those two kiddos are going to be forced to Watch You Act Like A Blooming Fool!!
Here are the kiddos playing with the sand.My little worker bee.and this picture I took because I am a mean, mean ol' hag who didn't want to be the only one looking pregnant in my photos. :)
Friday, July 11, 2008
Mind the Gap
Woohoo!!! My daughter Gillian has had a loose tooth for a while now. I would remind her to wiggle it and twist it (which she loved to do two inches from my face since it would make me squirm). Her adult teeth have been pushing her baby ones out for a month or so, so we knew it was inevitable. I didn't want to put pressure on her to yank it too early or to be so scared of it that she didn't help it along. But today, I noticed it was literally hanging off her gum. I encouraged her to twist it some more, and it just slid right out!
Oh heavens! That toothless grin is priceless! She is super excited and feels very grown up. She is proud of herself, and I'm so thrilled that she is doing so well. Now Josh is trying to twist his teeth! She has other loose teeth in her mouth, and after a certain tooth fairy visits her tonight, she may start yanking them out left and right!
Ok, the grin. You've GOT to see this cute grin!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
and how does that make you feeeel?
I'm seeing a counselor today for the first time in a LONG time. I've got one of those just-beneath-the-surface struggles that I always avoid treating. Everytime I've ever tried to fix it, I end up screaming and running far, far away. Scares the tar-nation out of me to discuss it or work on it. But I sooooo need to get it out of my system.
Let's just say - stay pure before marriage, folks. That stuff haunts you like death.
Plus, the preggy hormones have recently destroyed my ability to pick my battles better with my spouse. Poor guy. Just like with other couples, there are little things that get on my nerves about my hubby, but because they are little things, I don't bother with them. I might mention it once or roll my eyes ONCE, but I don't turn it into a big deal. I have learned where I need to back off and where I need to step up and confront those absolutely-can't-ignore issues. But for the last two weeks, everything has been on the table. And I'm flipping over that table and letting them crash to the floor and shatter into many, many pieces. It's hard. I wish whatever hijacked my brain recently would just go away. And it's weird because I can be on the inside watching this maniac say the most offensive things and want to stop her, but I can't. Until it's too late, that is. But thanks to the mercy of God, I have a husband who forgives like he breathes - it seems effortless and automatic. I know it's not, but he makes it seem like it is. I've never met anyone in this world who can do that better than Ben. I am very, very blessed.
So that's my drama right now. I'm mostly just getting it out there so that other pregnant mommies won't feel so alien in their own bodies. It happens. It's only for a season. Tell your sweetie to take what you say with a grain of salt. And I mentioned the counseling so that there will be a bit of accountability out there in the universe for me to fall back on when I feel the urge to run as fast as I can away from the potential that is available if I just commit to the work that will need to be done to get better. I'm scared, but if I can get even a little bit better, it'll be worth it to plant my feet, grit my teeth and 'bare' it.
Let's just say - stay pure before marriage, folks. That stuff haunts you like death.
Plus, the preggy hormones have recently destroyed my ability to pick my battles better with my spouse. Poor guy. Just like with other couples, there are little things that get on my nerves about my hubby, but because they are little things, I don't bother with them. I might mention it once or roll my eyes ONCE, but I don't turn it into a big deal. I have learned where I need to back off and where I need to step up and confront those absolutely-can't-ignore issues. But for the last two weeks, everything has been on the table. And I'm flipping over that table and letting them crash to the floor and shatter into many, many pieces. It's hard. I wish whatever hijacked my brain recently would just go away. And it's weird because I can be on the inside watching this maniac say the most offensive things and want to stop her, but I can't. Until it's too late, that is. But thanks to the mercy of God, I have a husband who forgives like he breathes - it seems effortless and automatic. I know it's not, but he makes it seem like it is. I've never met anyone in this world who can do that better than Ben. I am very, very blessed.
So that's my drama right now. I'm mostly just getting it out there so that other pregnant mommies won't feel so alien in their own bodies. It happens. It's only for a season. Tell your sweetie to take what you say with a grain of salt. And I mentioned the counseling so that there will be a bit of accountability out there in the universe for me to fall back on when I feel the urge to run as fast as I can away from the potential that is available if I just commit to the work that will need to be done to get better. I'm scared, but if I can get even a little bit better, it'll be worth it to plant my feet, grit my teeth and 'bare' it.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Ka-BOOM!
Once, just once, I wish God would make Himself aurally heard in this country. Last night, as I was snuggling with my sleeping son on my lap, away from the crowds, as our family and some friends watched fireworks over the lake, I couldn’t help but look up at the crisp, clear sky through the mountains. It was perfect. You could see the stars, the air was cool and refreshing, and people were whooping and hollering when bursts of red, white and blue would illuminate the sky.
Last night across America, many of us had our eyes fixed on the sky. I couldn’t help thinking how cool it would be if, after the big finale of any given fireworks show, God pried apart the sky, stuck His face through and yelled, “BOOM!”
I do realize that God is not just the God of America, so I know it’s silly to think that God would do that on the Fourth of July, but I still thought it would be cool.
Last night across America, many of us had our eyes fixed on the sky. I couldn’t help thinking how cool it would be if, after the big finale of any given fireworks show, God pried apart the sky, stuck His face through and yelled, “BOOM!”
I do realize that God is not just the God of America, so I know it’s silly to think that God would do that on the Fourth of July, but I still thought it would be cool.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Slavery Today
"Seek justice,
rescue the oppressed,
defend the orphan,
plead for the widow." (Isaiah 1:17 NRSV)
All throughout the Bible, we read that God is the champion of underdogs. In our quest to love God and love our neighbors as Christ loves us, we often remember the orphans in our prayers. We donate food and clothing to the poor. We bring dignity back to the isolated, desperate widows. But who are these ‘oppressed’ referred to in the Bible? There are over 200 mentions of oppression and justice in the Bible. Do you think perhaps God is trying to tell us something?
A quick thesaurus search says that oppression is the same thing as ‘domination, coercion, cruelty, subjugation.’ It is defined as “to subject a person or a people to a harsh and cruel form of domination.” Domination? But that sounds like slavery. Wasn’t slavery abolished in 1863 by the Emancipation Proclamation? There can’t be slavery today. The Thirteenth Amendment, ratified in 1865, guaranteed that slavery would never again exist in the United States.
The story of Joseph in the Bible details how he was sold by his jealous brothers to slave traders who took him away to Egypt. You would not be alone in assuming that this doesn’t occur much anymore, but slavery is, unfortunately, not just a mistake of the past. It is alive and thriving today. Boys, girls and whole families are being sold to slave traders, and like Joseph, it is sometimes by members of their own family. Current estimates reveal that there are 27 million people in forced labor, bonded labor, forced child labor and sexual servitude today. This is not just happening in impoverished countries either. This is happening also in our own neighborhoods. It’s everywhere.
Human trafficking is the second most profitable criminal activity, following drug trafficking and followed by arms trafficking. The trafficking of humans is highly profitable because, unlike drugs and arms which can be sold one time for one fee, humans can be forced to sell their services over and over and over again. These people are often forced to work in the brick kilns, sweat shops (the textile factories), or as cigarette rollers. They are made to harvest sugar cane, cocoa beans and coffee beans. They are forced to dig for diamonds. Some are sold into prostitution, and others are forced to fight as soldiers in a war in which no child should ever be involved.
There are many ways that a person can end up as a slave. Sometimes a parent will seek out the assistance of a local money-lender, only to be told that one of their children is needed to work off the debt. Once the child is separated from their loved ones, they are told that the passport that they were provided, the cost of the transportation to the ‘job,’ and the food, clothing, and shelter they were given has increased their family’s debt. The traffickers hold it over their heads, often threatening to enslave or even kill their family members if they refuse to work for them. The debt becomes impossible to pay off because they are paid so very little and are constantly building up more debt by accepting the filthy shelter and what little food they are offered. Many of these kids don’t consider themselves slaves. From what they can understand, they are simply trying to work off a debt that their loved ones accrued.
Other times, the person is lured into the slave trade by the promise of a much needed job that would enable them to provide better for their starving families. Slave traders even post fake job listings in the local paper to recruit the children. They promise restaurant, modeling, or housekeeping jobs in foreign countries. Once they arrive at their destination, they quickly realize that no such job ever existed, and that instead, a nightmare has just begun.
God wants us to seek justice. Isaiah 58:6 says this:
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?”
Ecclesiastes 4:1 says:
“Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—
and they have no comforter;
power was on the side of their oppressors—
and they have no comforter.”
After I was exposed to this world of oppression, I found myself repeating one question over and over to God – “Why aren’t you out there rescuing these people?” I eventually realized God IS right there with each and every one of them, and He does indeed have a plan to rescue them. The plan is us. That’s right, WE are the plan. There isn’t a plan B. We’re it.
Instead of asking “Where is God?” we should be asking “Where are His people?” The president of the International Justice Mission, Gary Haugen, says in his book, Terrify No More, that “Given all the power and resources that God has placed in the hands of humankind, I have yet to see any injustice of humankind that could not also be stopped by humankind…The question in the end is not an inquiry of obligation but an invitation – an invitation to the fundamentals of human joy for which we were made, a joy that our loving Creator refuses to hoard to himself.”
Edmund Burke summed it up nicely when he said “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Just like the little boy who offered his measly lunch of 5 small loaves of bread and 2 fish to help Jesus feed 5,000 people, we all have been given something to offer. The amount of injustice being done in the world is staggering, and we can easily find ourselves thinking, “It’s only going to take a miracle to save these people.” This is correct, and mercifully we’re not called to perform that miracle. That is God’s department. But we are called to offer our God-given time, talents and treasures, our small sack lunch, to God so He can use us to bring about justice for the oppressed. Please prayerfully consider how you might become involved in God’s plan to seek justice and rescue the oppressed.
rescue the oppressed,
defend the orphan,
plead for the widow." (Isaiah 1:17 NRSV)
All throughout the Bible, we read that God is the champion of underdogs. In our quest to love God and love our neighbors as Christ loves us, we often remember the orphans in our prayers. We donate food and clothing to the poor. We bring dignity back to the isolated, desperate widows. But who are these ‘oppressed’ referred to in the Bible? There are over 200 mentions of oppression and justice in the Bible. Do you think perhaps God is trying to tell us something?
A quick thesaurus search says that oppression is the same thing as ‘domination, coercion, cruelty, subjugation.’ It is defined as “to subject a person or a people to a harsh and cruel form of domination.” Domination? But that sounds like slavery. Wasn’t slavery abolished in 1863 by the Emancipation Proclamation? There can’t be slavery today. The Thirteenth Amendment, ratified in 1865, guaranteed that slavery would never again exist in the United States.
The story of Joseph in the Bible details how he was sold by his jealous brothers to slave traders who took him away to Egypt. You would not be alone in assuming that this doesn’t occur much anymore, but slavery is, unfortunately, not just a mistake of the past. It is alive and thriving today. Boys, girls and whole families are being sold to slave traders, and like Joseph, it is sometimes by members of their own family. Current estimates reveal that there are 27 million people in forced labor, bonded labor, forced child labor and sexual servitude today. This is not just happening in impoverished countries either. This is happening also in our own neighborhoods. It’s everywhere.
Human trafficking is the second most profitable criminal activity, following drug trafficking and followed by arms trafficking. The trafficking of humans is highly profitable because, unlike drugs and arms which can be sold one time for one fee, humans can be forced to sell their services over and over and over again. These people are often forced to work in the brick kilns, sweat shops (the textile factories), or as cigarette rollers. They are made to harvest sugar cane, cocoa beans and coffee beans. They are forced to dig for diamonds. Some are sold into prostitution, and others are forced to fight as soldiers in a war in which no child should ever be involved.
There are many ways that a person can end up as a slave. Sometimes a parent will seek out the assistance of a local money-lender, only to be told that one of their children is needed to work off the debt. Once the child is separated from their loved ones, they are told that the passport that they were provided, the cost of the transportation to the ‘job,’ and the food, clothing, and shelter they were given has increased their family’s debt. The traffickers hold it over their heads, often threatening to enslave or even kill their family members if they refuse to work for them. The debt becomes impossible to pay off because they are paid so very little and are constantly building up more debt by accepting the filthy shelter and what little food they are offered. Many of these kids don’t consider themselves slaves. From what they can understand, they are simply trying to work off a debt that their loved ones accrued.
Other times, the person is lured into the slave trade by the promise of a much needed job that would enable them to provide better for their starving families. Slave traders even post fake job listings in the local paper to recruit the children. They promise restaurant, modeling, or housekeeping jobs in foreign countries. Once they arrive at their destination, they quickly realize that no such job ever existed, and that instead, a nightmare has just begun.
God wants us to seek justice. Isaiah 58:6 says this:
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?”
Ecclesiastes 4:1 says:
“Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—
and they have no comforter;
power was on the side of their oppressors—
and they have no comforter.”
After I was exposed to this world of oppression, I found myself repeating one question over and over to God – “Why aren’t you out there rescuing these people?” I eventually realized God IS right there with each and every one of them, and He does indeed have a plan to rescue them. The plan is us. That’s right, WE are the plan. There isn’t a plan B. We’re it.
Instead of asking “Where is God?” we should be asking “Where are His people?” The president of the International Justice Mission, Gary Haugen, says in his book, Terrify No More, that “Given all the power and resources that God has placed in the hands of humankind, I have yet to see any injustice of humankind that could not also be stopped by humankind…The question in the end is not an inquiry of obligation but an invitation – an invitation to the fundamentals of human joy for which we were made, a joy that our loving Creator refuses to hoard to himself.”
Edmund Burke summed it up nicely when he said “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Just like the little boy who offered his measly lunch of 5 small loaves of bread and 2 fish to help Jesus feed 5,000 people, we all have been given something to offer. The amount of injustice being done in the world is staggering, and we can easily find ourselves thinking, “It’s only going to take a miracle to save these people.” This is correct, and mercifully we’re not called to perform that miracle. That is God’s department. But we are called to offer our God-given time, talents and treasures, our small sack lunch, to God so He can use us to bring about justice for the oppressed. Please prayerfully consider how you might become involved in God’s plan to seek justice and rescue the oppressed.
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