Monday, April 18, 2011

sick and heartbroken


These past couple of weeks have been HARD!  We've had a bug in the house that has made everyone's insides come spilling out.  (So don't come over.  It's not you.  It's me.  No, really.)  Jack had surgery last Monday to have his adnoids removed and tubes put in her ears.  He did great.  I was the one who was a mess.  A friend of mine who had lost her baby girl at 35 weeks pregnant last year, lost her baby boy at 34 weeks almost exactly a year later.  They were on vacation celebrating their daughter's tiny life when their little boy decided to join his sister in heaven.  (Please pray for them.)  Another friend just laid his younger brother to rest this past weekend.  I lived with them for a few years back in college, and my heart just breaks for them.  The brother was only 32 years old.  (Pray for them too.)

I have found myself talking to God a lot.  I spent the last two weeks sitting anxiously in a waiting room while they operated on my baby, cleaning insane amounts of puke (I'm pretty sure Josh ran through the house while waving his head as he puked one of the times), and laying very still in bed because if I moved, the room spun and my guts lurched.  I was zapped.  And while this was going on with me, my friends' lives were unraveling.  I didn't know how to help them.  I couldn't go be with them.  I couldn't bring them food.  I couldn't watch their kiddos.  I couldn't even offer a hug.  So I prayed.  and prayed.  and prayed.  and asked others to pray. 

I know that I was joining the choruses when I was praying for them too.  I am blessed enough to know a LOT of people who make prayer a priority in their lives.  They trust that God listens to us.  That He desires to bless us.  That His heart breaks when we are broken-hearted. 

I believe that God is in control.  I know that this is confusing when we lose those we love.  Especially when they are so young.  It's not that we live in denial about death.  It's just that no one expects to have to deal with the loss of {another} late-term baby or a younger brother who had already survived so much and fought so hard to overcome some truly difficult junk.  These things don't make any sense.  And it makes it so so so hard to understand God's ways.

Please join me in praying for these families.  And not just these families.  There are, sadly, a lot of people mourning the loss of their loved ones and questioning God's sovereignty and goodness.  and please pray that I have bleached and scrubbed this bug out of my house. 

thank you.

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