That's right. Another post about prayer. I just wanted to share my excitement.
For the past few months, I had really been struggling with trying to see where prayer fit in my life. I struggled with knowing what kinds of prayers were appropriate and which, if any, were insulting to God. I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out whether I was using my prayer life as a means to feel like I was being a compassionate Christian. I was worried that I was neglecting my job to be Christ's hands and feet by simply praying for people's needs to be met that were completely within my ability to help.
But I've come to a conclusion.
I need to pray about EVERYTHING! (yea, I know. Phillipians 4:6 should've been my first clue. And 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, 1 John 5:14-15, and Psalm 55:22 should have sealed the deal.)
It doesn't matter if I think I sound like a turd. It doesn't matter if I sound like a brat. It doesn't matter if I sound lazy or clueless or whiny. I need to share every part of my life with God. It's what He wants. He doesn't want me to hold back because I'm unsure. He wants me to share my insecurity with Him. He doesn't want me to hold back because I'm worried that I'll sound ridiculous. He wants me to be humble and trusting. He wants me to acknowledge my need for Him and my desire to have Him saturate every last speck of my existance.
I used to do this. I used to share nearly every little thought I had with my Heavenly Father. It was so effortless, and I loved trusting that God was there for me. I loved being able to turn to Him when I had fears or doubts. I loved being able to share my excitement and wonder with Him over what was happening in my life. I felt like no matter what, He was there for me.
For whatever reason, a few months ago I started to doubt that. I got nervous that what I had been doing was wrong. I was worried that I was being disrespectful or greedy. I questioned whether God was actually interested in every little detail of my life. So I took a tiny step back to reexamine what God says about prayer.
And I found out that He really, really, really wants us to share our hearts, minds and soul with Him. Every little bit of it. I read somewhere that praying is like 'pouring out our souls' to God. Well, that's what I HAD been doing before I got all self-conscience and doubtful.
So these days, I'm back to sharing my life, pouring out my soul, to God. I'm not holding anything back. And I'm trusting that He cares about it all. I'm even under the impression that He enjoys our little chats. Can you imagine?! What a joy!
I know that from time to time, I've gone through little phases of doubt. I've been a Christian for 9 years, and it's happened several times. These periods of reflection and discovery, of digging into His Word, of examining my motives and my heart, of trusting Him and humbling myself, have always resulted in more and more joy. I don't necessarily have more understanding or answers. But I do come away with a stronger faith. It doesn't really matter if I understand God's ways. If it's clearly something that I see God asking me to do, then I going to do it. I'm so grateful that He is patient with me. And that He really cares about me.