Recently I have felt-wrong-about my relationship with God. Not that a relationship with God is wrong, but that I didn’t seem to be in it for the right reasons.
I've been treating God like He was my own personal invisible pet. I’ve had Him on a leash, taking Him out for walks every once in a while, but only when it was convenient to me. Afterwards, I’d put Him back in a kennel in the corner. I have this vision of what my life is supposed to look like with God, and I was trying to fit Him in it somehow, fitting Him into my agenda. Even proud of myself when I made His little tail wag after I asked Him to perform some neat trick for me. It was great because I didn’t even have to train Him – this version of God came to me house-trained already.
Yeah – this version of Him is what I’ve been worshipping. Well, worshipping is a bit strong. I was getting the warm fuzzies. You probably know what I’m talking about. It’s the same warm fuzzies that I get when I see a dad totally engrossed in playing with his daughter. It’s the same warm fuzzies I get when my kids are getting along. The same warm fuzzies I get when a pet crawls up into my lap and feels totally content and loved and happy to do whatever I ask. The very same warm fuzzies that I get sometimes when I'm praying or worshipping but not really connecting with God.
Sigh. Yeah, that’s how I’ve been treating God. The creator of the universe. The Lover of my stupid, ugly, pathetic soul.
But I don’t want to worship a God who can be tamed. I can’t worship a God who would be content with following my selfish and misguided agendas and broken dreams. So why would I limit Him like that?
Admittedly, it is difficult for us to understand the one true God. We try to comprehend Him, but we only have our human experiences to compare Him to and understand Him with, and when it comes down to it, it is just impossible for us to grasp how powerful and awesome and important and supreme He actually is. I don’t want a compliant pet; I want a mighty KING! I don’t want a genie, where my wishes are His commands. I want His wishes to be MY commands! I want a Father who watches me with adoring eyes and loving guidance and unwavering justice and goodness. I want a Father who will see what I am asking for and not give it to me because He knows that there is something better for me. I want a Lord who knows me intimately, who knows what it’s like to suffer like me and who I can trust to walk me through my difficulties. I want a Lord who will still be there with open arms after I hurl my doubts and questions and frustrations at Him, who is patient with me and willing to forgive my ugliest sins and all the little ones that trip me up daily that I don't want to think of as SINS. I can worship a God who shows me how much He loves us and how much He has blessed me so that I can have the honor of loving them too.
And I want that God, the one true God and not just an invisible pet, for you too. I have been examining my heart recently and asking God to reveal to me places where I have got it wrong. Have you allowed God access to your heart recently? The junk God has shown me about my heart is embarrassing and saddening. But I’d rather ask God to help me get it out of there than ignore it and allow it to multiply. Lord God, forgive me.