My beautiful Mamaw died one year ago today. And I'm having an awfully hard time dealing with that today. On Friday, a friend of mine and her sweet daughter came over and made gingerbread houses with my kids. This was something that I did with my Mamaw and Papaw every year. I have been anticipating that this season is going to be hard for me. Not only did my Mamaw die last year, but two of my friends committed suicide as well.
I'm thinking of them today and remembering the joy they brought into people's lives, especially my own. And I'm grateful for the time I had with them. As far as I know, they were all believers, so I can look forward to seeing them again one day. And I can be comforted knowing that they are no longer in pain. These are all good things, but it still really, really hurts for those of us who loved them who are still on this side of heaven.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
where to start?
We've had a lot of stuff going on recently that I've wanted to blog about but haven't had the time or the empty arms (I love holding my son!). But as he sleeps next to me, I thought I'd try to catch up.
Jack turned one month old on Oct. 14th, and my mom and stepdad flew into Colorado that day for a visit. I was only expecting the two of them, but when I opened my front door, my sister, Sarah, her son, Peter, and my youngest brother, Zach had come too! All I could do was scream - I was sooo excited. I'm not one for surprises. If anyone were to throw me a surprise party, I think I'd run away and cry. I just don't like that sort of thing. But I was very happy to see my family. My other brother, Micah, had just started a new job, so I wasn't surprised not to see him. But then later that night, mom and my stepdad, Dave, called and told me to go hang out with my siblings at their hotel room for a while. They said the airport had lost one of their bags, but that they had called and said it had been found. So they were going to drive to the airport, pick it up and then take us all out for dinner when they got back. The thing is, this was at 7pm. My kids are usually in bed by 7:30pm. (Ben and I NEED some time to ourselves at night before we hit the sack to bond. It's essential to our marriage that we have that down time by ourselves. So yes, our kids go to bed early.) Anyway, it was going to take an hour to drive to Denver, an hour to drive back, and however much time it took at the airport before we'd even leave for dinner. I was a bit upset. That is until they returned, and my brother Micah walked up and gave me a hug! How awesome that they tricked me once again?! I don't like not being in the know, but I felt like a princess who was being bombarded with love! It was lovely!
That was a Friday, then Saturday, we went hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park. Well, everyone except Jack and me. It was so bitter cold and windy to get him out, so he and I stayed in the car and watched the sunset while the others walked around Bear Lake. Sunday morning, Ben, the kids and I went to church and waited to hear back from my family. They had said they were going on a more strenuous hike, and that we'd meet up after lunch. Well, 2pm rolled around - no word from my folks. 4pm - still no word. I'm getting worried. I don't know how to check to make sure they weren't in an accident or stranded in the snow drenched mountains without a signal to call for help. Then just after 5pm, my mom calls and says that they were just then leaving the park, that the snow and ice had caused the hike to become doubly long and difficult, that they were all freezing with wet socks and shoes, that they were starving because they had anticipated being out of the park by lunch and hadn't brought enough snacks to sustain them. My mom and Dave hike this particular hike (typically 4-5 hours to complete) in June when they come to Colorado for their anniversary. This time with the wintery conditions, it took them over 8 hours, and they had Peter with them, who even though he's four, I'm told was a trooper on the hike! Way to go, Champ! So they all went straight to their hotel room after that to eat, shower and sleep.
Here are some shots from that trip that my mom sent me.
The next morning, I dropped Gillian off at school and headed to Panera Bread with the boys. Actually, I was trying to find a coat for me now that it's getting cooler, but the stores weren't open yet, so we popped in for some breakfast and coffee (and chocolate milk). Right as I was packing up our stuff to leave, my mom and brothers walk by. We sat with them as they had their breakfast, and then we all walked over to Gillian's school to pick her up. To say that she was excited to have us all there is an understatement. She was nearly bursting out of her skin to show off her Gramie and Papaw to her teacher and classmates. It was awesome. After that, we picked up some Chick-fil-A for lunch, and said our goodbyes as they had to get to the airport for their flight back to Texas. I was so grateful to have been able to have that time with all of them. I've lived away from my hometown for many years now, so get togethers with all of us have been few and far between. As hard as that hike was for them all, my siblings fell in love with Colorado, so we're hoping to have lots more visits in the future. I look forward to it!
Here are some pictures from the weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to Super Papaw. He's seriously super.
Saving the world - one grandkid at a time.
We're having Thanksgiving at my house this year. We have the most square footage, so we got volunteered. I'm looking forward to having Ben's family over. I've always wanted to be the 'get-together house.' My goal is for my house to be my kids' friends' favorite hang out. It's a lofty goal, I know, but I'm going to try. I've already started - we frequently have Gillie's best friend from school and her mom over. I love that!
So in preparation for the big day, I wanted to try my hand at decorating a table. I found out we're renting tables, so this will end up mostly being for show somewhere in the room, but it was so fun to make. I took some old Gatorade and Folgers cans, painted them gold and distressed them, tied some yarn around the tops and cut off some branches from our tree out front. Now our house smells like pine. l o v e t h a t !!! I put some candles around it and voila! On the wall is a craft I did over the summer where I decoupaged some photoshopped pictures of us onto painted wood plagues. Neat, right?
man o man. I have a ton more to write about, but I'm pooped and lunch ain't gonna fix itself! More later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Bugaloo
If you have a little one, you've probably heard of Robeez shoes - those super cute, soft-sole shoes for not-yet-walking kiddos. Not to knock Robeez, but I just heard about Bugaloo shoes. They are like Robeez, but they are half the price and 5% of the sales goes to the International Justice Mission to help end slavery. How awesome is that?!
I think I'll be getting Jack this pair. Aren't they adorable?!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
shots
I took these cutie-pie shots of Jack yesterday. He is 4 weeks old and such an easy kid. Sure I'm still up every three hours in the middle of the night, but I'm actually enjoying that time when the house is quiet, and it's just me and him. 
This morning he went in to see the doc for his 4 week old check up. Poor thing had to get a shot. I hate that. I understand the need for the vaccines, I just wish they could administer it by adding it to their bottle or like a temporary tattoo or something. Since we were there, Josh got a flu shot. He jumped up on the table, chose his leg over his arm for where to put it, engaged me in a game of 'thumb war' to ease his nerves (of which he apparently had none!), and then as he got the shot, he looked at me like I was a traitor. Maybe I should've explain exactly what he was getting. But after a few tears and lots of snuggling, he left the doctor's office telling people that his body is now strong enough to fight off the flu germs. He even flexed his muscles to demonstrate this new strength. What a champ!
Poor Gillian doesn't have a clue that in 2 hours, after I pick her up from school, she's getting a flu shot too. I'm not thinking a thumb war will ease her fears though...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Handmade Necklaces
With Christmas around the corner, I'd like to bring your attention to a great item to get for your loved ones, friends and collegues. My sister in law is selling these beautiful necklaces. They are handmade by women in Uganda. By purchasing one or more of these one-of-a-kind necklaces through From Hiv to Home, you not only are supporting the women who make them, you are also helping fund FHTH's domestic programs as well as their waiting child adoption grant program. How awesome is that?! I've seen these in person. They are gorgeous!
Known
Have you heard the Christian song He Knows My Name? My son, Josh, has really brought to my attention our need to be known by name. No matter where he is, he will shout out, "Hi, I'm Josh" to every person he sees. He even says this to family members who know him intimately. Shoot, he's said this to me hundreds of times. He just wants to make absolutely sure that we know who he is. He's not just Gillian's little brother. He's not just Jack's big brother or my son. He is Josh and that singles him out. When he wore his Halloween costume last week, people would comment 'Oh, what a cute monkey.' He would immediately pull the head part back to reveal that it was him. "I'm Josh." He has such a need to be known for who he is, not just who he is related to, not just who he looks like or acts like - he needs people to SEE him, to KNOW him, to know him by NAME so that they won't overlook him. I imagine he developed this because his sister has this striking red, curly hair and is extremely friendly. People ALWAYS see her. She is never missed. He must have felt passed over a few times and by introducing himself again and again, he's insuring that he is noticed. I imagine we are all like this. We might not want the whole world to know our names or even the whole room, but I would bet that we all need at least one person who knows us, who knows our name.I can promise you, like the song says, that God knows you by name.
There is an organization that I support called Love146. The founders, Rob Morris, Lamont Hiebert, Desirea Rodgers and Caroline Hahm, went to SouthEast Asia in 2002 to see sex trafficking firsthand and brainstorm how to end it. In the brothels, they saw young boys and girls being sold for sex. The children were wearing numbers on them. One of the girls, number 146, still had a fire in her eyes. All the other girls had a look of defeat and a numbness to them, but this girl looked like she still had hope that there was a better life for her. The fact that her oppressors would number the girls, taking away their name, their identity, making it easier for the 'johns' to treat them as if they weren't sons and daughters, sisters and brothers, fellow human beings, disgusts and saddens me. I want desperately for them to know that there is someone out there who wants to know their name. I want to know them by name. I want them to know and remember forever and ever that God loves them and already knows them by name, that He sees each tear that falls. They have that need, and it is being taken from them.
I got very emotional yesterday at church because I remembered a time a few months ago when I was praying for the victims of oppression. I know that I can get blinded to their need by my own life and so I forced myself to imagine my own kids being abused, numbered, forced to do the unthinkable again and again and again. As my heart raced, I knew that if that ever happened, I wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't breathe until they were rescued. I wouldn't rest, I would use every resource available, I would pray every angel down from heaven to help me find them and bring them out of their oppression. I then thought about how many children there must be without someone like me to rescue them. There are many organizations out there, IJM, Love146, Free the Slaves, Not for Sale just to name a few, that are fighting to end slavery. They are rescuing these men and women, boys and girls from their oppressors and trying to make sure that they never end up in that position again. They are providing loving aftercare to help them recover from the trauma they have been forced to endure, and they are fighting to prosecute those who caused them this trauma so they can never hurt them again. But they are going after "the oppressed," not necessarily 'David,' 'Sadeepan,' 'Jayamma,' and 'Veronica.' Do you see the difference? Do you see the importance of having a name and it being known? That's why when I get mailings from IJM and these other groups, they have real stories of redemption and rescue and healing to stir my heart. They don't always use their real names, in order to protect them, but they're always assigned a name. These people are known by their names. Their rescuers know it, their aftercare counselors know it, their Father in Heaven knows it. They are known for who they are, not just what they can do for you. I love that. They need that.
I don't know all these people by name. But God does. When I pray for them, I ask God to call them to Himself by their names, that they may know Him and be known by Him. They don't have a mommy like me fighting for their rescue, for their safety and freedom. We live in such a broken world. If your heart isn't breaking, you need to check your pulse.
clarification
I don't think my last post really said anything. At least it didn't offer any solutions to the problems I proposed. I'm sure I just came across as a whiny brat. So to clarify...
I wish everyone would just naturally share that with which they have been blessed with those who don't have enough. I wish we didn't have to get our government involved, but I imagine that if we didn't, there'd be a great deal more poor in our country. I also wish we made sure that those who really need aid could receive it. I've met many families and individuals who didn't qualify for whatever reason to receive aid when they seriously needed it. Or they have to be denied aid a number of times before they can receive it. At one point in my college years, I was receiving food stamps. If my job gave me 30 hours a week to work, I qualified for $125 a month in food stamps. But if my job only gave me 5 hours a week, I didn't qualify at all. But obviously, if I'm only getting 5 hours a week, I'm not earning enough to pay for food and need the aid all the more. Stuff like that boggles me. Maybe the Powers That Be did it like that so that those who were working and putting more effort into their own well-being were rewarded or encouraged to continue working hard, but I didn't have any control over how many hours my boss gave me. That didn't accurately portray how much I wanted to be working or would have been working had I been given the opportunity. I was given a million handouts because I had been diagnosed with a mental illness and was recovering from drug addiction, but there aren't as many opportunities for people who never did drugs or drank too much or have a disability to get the help they need to get a job and make ends meet. That doesn't make sense to me. They should be given help, and I don't mind reserving some of our income for that. I just think it would be nice if I got to choose where my money went. I realize that I have a voice in that matter, in electing officials to speak on my behalf with those making these decisions. Now if only our elected officials would keep their promises...
I also understand that for me say we don't have the right to judge and determine how people are punished when they do wrong has us jumping into a vast pit of festering problems. I think there are only two equally destructive paths for that line of thinking to lead. One, in order not to be hypocritical, we punish each and every sin. If you leave your spouse, you have to serve so many years in prison. If you exasperate your children, you spend the night in jail. Perhaps to really seem non-judgmental, we could determine a set punishment for all sins. Divorce - 2 years in prison. Drug smuggling - 2 years in prison. Parking ticket - 2 years in prison. Mass Murder - 2 years in prison. See the problem here? The second path we could take to not be hypocritical would be to not punish any sin and just live and let live. Again, many problem here. I know that God puts leaders in positions of authority and that He speaks to them, revealing His Will in His various ways. I am comforted by that and pray for my leaders regularly.
There's a big difference between judging someone and believing that we can determine their spiritual destination and between punishing someone for committing crimes here and now. I can't pretend to know what God will do with a fellow sinner, but I do see the need to define boundaries for our behavior and enforce consequences for crossing those boundaries that both punishes offenders and deters would-be offenders.
I just don't get that we deem gay marriage wrong enough to prevent it, but we don't do much to stop divorce. I believe that divorce is doing more to destroy the state of marriage in our society that anything else. I don't understand how Christians can jump all over the doctors and girls who are pro-choice, and then not do enough for the kids that are born and immediately neglected and abused or whose parents die, leaving them orphaned. My pastor yesterday said something like 'we say we need to protect the unborn, but what are we doing for the born?' I thought that was so profound. And the true test of how we feel about children in general.
Anyway, I know I'm not offering any real answers here, but I felt the need to take my previous line of thinking further, to explain myself a bit better. Maybe I have. Maybe I'll think of something else in a few hours and need to elaborate once again. Whatever. That's the beauty of thinking (writing) outloud. Having the freedom to say these things in a format like this is beautiful. I don't have to worry that someone is going to bust down my door and lock me up for my opinions. Despite its problems, I do love this Land of the Free.
I wish everyone would just naturally share that with which they have been blessed with those who don't have enough. I wish we didn't have to get our government involved, but I imagine that if we didn't, there'd be a great deal more poor in our country. I also wish we made sure that those who really need aid could receive it. I've met many families and individuals who didn't qualify for whatever reason to receive aid when they seriously needed it. Or they have to be denied aid a number of times before they can receive it. At one point in my college years, I was receiving food stamps. If my job gave me 30 hours a week to work, I qualified for $125 a month in food stamps. But if my job only gave me 5 hours a week, I didn't qualify at all. But obviously, if I'm only getting 5 hours a week, I'm not earning enough to pay for food and need the aid all the more. Stuff like that boggles me. Maybe the Powers That Be did it like that so that those who were working and putting more effort into their own well-being were rewarded or encouraged to continue working hard, but I didn't have any control over how many hours my boss gave me. That didn't accurately portray how much I wanted to be working or would have been working had I been given the opportunity. I was given a million handouts because I had been diagnosed with a mental illness and was recovering from drug addiction, but there aren't as many opportunities for people who never did drugs or drank too much or have a disability to get the help they need to get a job and make ends meet. That doesn't make sense to me. They should be given help, and I don't mind reserving some of our income for that. I just think it would be nice if I got to choose where my money went. I realize that I have a voice in that matter, in electing officials to speak on my behalf with those making these decisions. Now if only our elected officials would keep their promises...
I also understand that for me say we don't have the right to judge and determine how people are punished when they do wrong has us jumping into a vast pit of festering problems. I think there are only two equally destructive paths for that line of thinking to lead. One, in order not to be hypocritical, we punish each and every sin. If you leave your spouse, you have to serve so many years in prison. If you exasperate your children, you spend the night in jail. Perhaps to really seem non-judgmental, we could determine a set punishment for all sins. Divorce - 2 years in prison. Drug smuggling - 2 years in prison. Parking ticket - 2 years in prison. Mass Murder - 2 years in prison. See the problem here? The second path we could take to not be hypocritical would be to not punish any sin and just live and let live. Again, many problem here. I know that God puts leaders in positions of authority and that He speaks to them, revealing His Will in His various ways. I am comforted by that and pray for my leaders regularly.
There's a big difference between judging someone and believing that we can determine their spiritual destination and between punishing someone for committing crimes here and now. I can't pretend to know what God will do with a fellow sinner, but I do see the need to define boundaries for our behavior and enforce consequences for crossing those boundaries that both punishes offenders and deters would-be offenders.
I just don't get that we deem gay marriage wrong enough to prevent it, but we don't do much to stop divorce. I believe that divorce is doing more to destroy the state of marriage in our society that anything else. I don't understand how Christians can jump all over the doctors and girls who are pro-choice, and then not do enough for the kids that are born and immediately neglected and abused or whose parents die, leaving them orphaned. My pastor yesterday said something like 'we say we need to protect the unborn, but what are we doing for the born?' I thought that was so profound. And the true test of how we feel about children in general.
Anyway, I know I'm not offering any real answers here, but I felt the need to take my previous line of thinking further, to explain myself a bit better. Maybe I have. Maybe I'll think of something else in a few hours and need to elaborate once again. Whatever. That's the beauty of thinking (writing) outloud. Having the freedom to say these things in a format like this is beautiful. I don't have to worry that someone is going to bust down my door and lock me up for my opinions. Despite its problems, I do love this Land of the Free.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Propositions
My incredible sister in law posted a blog entry last night that I felt I just had to comment on.
I don't see how some actions can be deemed wrong enough for laws against them to be created when other behaviors are totally ignored or even encouraged. I do understand that God wants marriages to be between one man and one woman, but seriously, if we think we can go around saying gay marriage is wrong while adultery and divorce are rampant, while parents can get fed up with their teenagers and drop them off at a hospital, while we buy big-screen tvs and ignore the cold, lonely, hungry people in our community - well, I don't even have words for how twisted that is. I understand gay marriage is not God's will, but neither are my disrespectful words to my husband or people's strangleholds on their bank accounts and disregard for their neighbors. I don't believe we were ever given the right to determine one sin worse than another.
sin is sin is sin.
I believe that it's up to God to convict us of what is right and wrong. I also believe that God knows what's right for me, might not be right for you. You all can probably be responsible with your drinking. I cannot be. But for me to determine that drinking alcohol should be illegal just because I can't handle it, well, that just seems wrong. It's not my job to determine what is right and wrong for you. As a Christian, I believe that I'm supposed to introduce people to Jesus and then let Him transform their lives. I know that I'm not supposed to look the other way when a fellow believer is stuck in sin, that I'm supposed to bring it up with him/her alone and individually at first and offer to help them out of it. But the key words there are 'fellow believer.' Telling people that their choices are going to displease God and that He will send them to hell if they don't repent, doesn't attract people to Him. How can they believe Him to be the merciful and loving God that He is if He needs to scare you into listening to Him? People aren't going to understand it when you say, "You have to stop loving the person you are loving because if you don't, God will send you to hell for eternity. Oh and by the way, God loves you!" People should be able to come to Jesus just as they are. They don't need the burden of cleaning up their act first. Not that they could anyway. I don't agree with those people who stand outside abortion clinics saying that these girls are going to hell. If they're going to do that, why don't they stand outside divorce courts and Neiman Marcus? In the same vein, I don't agree with those who spit on our soldiers. I honestly don't know where I stand on war in general, but punishing one sin while ignoring another is just not ok in my book, and if we punished all sins, we'd all end up being punished since "all have sinned."
I also want to mention something else. I don't have all the answers. I don't entirely know where I stand on many issues because I can see both sides and don't feel like I can choose one over another, but I don't believe that there should be a mandatory re-distribution of wealth. I agree that to do so would really help those who can't help themselves. I agree that helping the needy is good. But I believe that our 'giving' should be from the heart, not enforced by law. I don't want my government to determine a certain dollar amount or percentage of my income to be reserved for charity. I realize that our taxes have been used for years to better our country and our fellow citizens. But to level the playing field seems unfair to me. Only because I know my flesh. If I knew that my needs would be taken care of, regardless of whether I took care of them or some hard-working, educated guy I've never met took care of them, I would not try to better myself. I would let you all take care of me and my family. At least, that's the way I would have been before I became a believer.
I'm not saying all non-believers are going to intentionally slack off and not work hard to get educated and trained to become productive members of society, (and I'm also not saying that Christians are doing enough to help their struggling neighbors), but I know that's what I would do if I was still the person I used to be. I wouldn't better myself. I wouldn't see the point in working hard if someone else was footing the bill. I did this with my parents and my ex's so I know it's true about me. I also know intimately the way I felt when I didn't work, when I didn't contribute to my own betterment. I was depressed, did loads of drugs, and attempted suicide many, many times. I realize I'm just one person, but I believe that we all have an inner need to contribute to our own lives. We need to feel useful and necessary, that sense of pride in a job well-done. The people who are really struggling to make ends meet are typically working their butts off to provide for themselves. Or they can't because of a disability, temporary or chronic. I pray that the taxes I pay go to help them. I truly do. But I also know that some of my money isn't getting to them because there are some in this country who are satisfied being leeches, like I used to be. These people are never going to get better if they don't have to. And that's a shame because I imagine there's a whole heck of a lot of potential in these people if only they are given the opportunity to find it.
I believe it's God's job to convict and challenge me to give by faith. I believe that to give to the needy is a responsibility that every single one of us share, but it's not obedience if it's forced. It's not loving. It's not 'giving.' Does that make sense? I'm trying to think spiritually more than just physically here. Other cultures seem so much better at giving than we are. In Israel, you can just drop in at your friends' house and have some tea or dinner with them. No need for formalities, no need to call first or not have people over until you clean up your house so that you stay in the competitive game of 'keeping up with the Joneses.' It seems that fellowship is so much easier in other countries. We isolate ourselves here in the United States and perhaps for that reason, we are insulated from the enormous amount of need in our communities. It seems other cultures are painfully aware of the need of their neighbors and because they are aware, they act. They share. They give. They sacrifice their own comforts for the survival of their peers. I don't know why we here in the States are so blinded. Even when our eyes are opened, it's only temporarily because that voice that convicts us turns into a whisper as soon as an advertisement for the latest fashion or home furnishings or techie gadget bombards our senses.
oy.
I just think that we need to get off our man-made thrones and let God be God. We can't be God. We need to let Him give us the parameters for how we live our lives, how we behave, how we treat our fellow human beings and our loved ones, and what we spend our money on. Furthermore, and I know that this will not sit well with everyone, but if we're gonna single out a sin to make illegal, let it be something other than gay marriage. Or make every sin illegal and just watch the chaos as our entire lives are deemed against the law! As usual, I'm thinking out loud here. If you have a different opinion, please enlighten me. Sometimes I can't see the blind spots of my own views.
I don't see how some actions can be deemed wrong enough for laws against them to be created when other behaviors are totally ignored or even encouraged. I do understand that God wants marriages to be between one man and one woman, but seriously, if we think we can go around saying gay marriage is wrong while adultery and divorce are rampant, while parents can get fed up with their teenagers and drop them off at a hospital, while we buy big-screen tvs and ignore the cold, lonely, hungry people in our community - well, I don't even have words for how twisted that is. I understand gay marriage is not God's will, but neither are my disrespectful words to my husband or people's strangleholds on their bank accounts and disregard for their neighbors. I don't believe we were ever given the right to determine one sin worse than another.
sin is sin is sin.
I believe that it's up to God to convict us of what is right and wrong. I also believe that God knows what's right for me, might not be right for you. You all can probably be responsible with your drinking. I cannot be. But for me to determine that drinking alcohol should be illegal just because I can't handle it, well, that just seems wrong. It's not my job to determine what is right and wrong for you. As a Christian, I believe that I'm supposed to introduce people to Jesus and then let Him transform their lives. I know that I'm not supposed to look the other way when a fellow believer is stuck in sin, that I'm supposed to bring it up with him/her alone and individually at first and offer to help them out of it. But the key words there are 'fellow believer.' Telling people that their choices are going to displease God and that He will send them to hell if they don't repent, doesn't attract people to Him. How can they believe Him to be the merciful and loving God that He is if He needs to scare you into listening to Him? People aren't going to understand it when you say, "You have to stop loving the person you are loving because if you don't, God will send you to hell for eternity. Oh and by the way, God loves you!" People should be able to come to Jesus just as they are. They don't need the burden of cleaning up their act first. Not that they could anyway. I don't agree with those people who stand outside abortion clinics saying that these girls are going to hell. If they're going to do that, why don't they stand outside divorce courts and Neiman Marcus? In the same vein, I don't agree with those who spit on our soldiers. I honestly don't know where I stand on war in general, but punishing one sin while ignoring another is just not ok in my book, and if we punished all sins, we'd all end up being punished since "all have sinned."
I also want to mention something else. I don't have all the answers. I don't entirely know where I stand on many issues because I can see both sides and don't feel like I can choose one over another, but I don't believe that there should be a mandatory re-distribution of wealth. I agree that to do so would really help those who can't help themselves. I agree that helping the needy is good. But I believe that our 'giving' should be from the heart, not enforced by law. I don't want my government to determine a certain dollar amount or percentage of my income to be reserved for charity. I realize that our taxes have been used for years to better our country and our fellow citizens. But to level the playing field seems unfair to me. Only because I know my flesh. If I knew that my needs would be taken care of, regardless of whether I took care of them or some hard-working, educated guy I've never met took care of them, I would not try to better myself. I would let you all take care of me and my family. At least, that's the way I would have been before I became a believer.
I'm not saying all non-believers are going to intentionally slack off and not work hard to get educated and trained to become productive members of society, (and I'm also not saying that Christians are doing enough to help their struggling neighbors), but I know that's what I would do if I was still the person I used to be. I wouldn't better myself. I wouldn't see the point in working hard if someone else was footing the bill. I did this with my parents and my ex's so I know it's true about me. I also know intimately the way I felt when I didn't work, when I didn't contribute to my own betterment. I was depressed, did loads of drugs, and attempted suicide many, many times. I realize I'm just one person, but I believe that we all have an inner need to contribute to our own lives. We need to feel useful and necessary, that sense of pride in a job well-done. The people who are really struggling to make ends meet are typically working their butts off to provide for themselves. Or they can't because of a disability, temporary or chronic. I pray that the taxes I pay go to help them. I truly do. But I also know that some of my money isn't getting to them because there are some in this country who are satisfied being leeches, like I used to be. These people are never going to get better if they don't have to. And that's a shame because I imagine there's a whole heck of a lot of potential in these people if only they are given the opportunity to find it.
I believe it's God's job to convict and challenge me to give by faith. I believe that to give to the needy is a responsibility that every single one of us share, but it's not obedience if it's forced. It's not loving. It's not 'giving.' Does that make sense? I'm trying to think spiritually more than just physically here. Other cultures seem so much better at giving than we are. In Israel, you can just drop in at your friends' house and have some tea or dinner with them. No need for formalities, no need to call first or not have people over until you clean up your house so that you stay in the competitive game of 'keeping up with the Joneses.' It seems that fellowship is so much easier in other countries. We isolate ourselves here in the United States and perhaps for that reason, we are insulated from the enormous amount of need in our communities. It seems other cultures are painfully aware of the need of their neighbors and because they are aware, they act. They share. They give. They sacrifice their own comforts for the survival of their peers. I don't know why we here in the States are so blinded. Even when our eyes are opened, it's only temporarily because that voice that convicts us turns into a whisper as soon as an advertisement for the latest fashion or home furnishings or techie gadget bombards our senses.
oy.
I just think that we need to get off our man-made thrones and let God be God. We can't be God. We need to let Him give us the parameters for how we live our lives, how we behave, how we treat our fellow human beings and our loved ones, and what we spend our money on. Furthermore, and I know that this will not sit well with everyone, but if we're gonna single out a sin to make illegal, let it be something other than gay marriage. Or make every sin illegal and just watch the chaos as our entire lives are deemed against the law! As usual, I'm thinking out loud here. If you have a different opinion, please enlighten me. Sometimes I can't see the blind spots of my own views.
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