Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Speaking to God

Have you ever had someone talking to you, and you didn’t realize it until they asked you if you’d heard them? If you didn’t realize they were talking to you, I don’t imagine you heard anything they said. I don’t want God to not realize that I’m actually referring to Him when I pray because I want Him to hear what I have to say, and I am desperate to hear His response. But how can He respond to me if He doesn’t even know I’m talking to Him?

I’m learning that I can be very shallow and one-sided in my prayer life. I will feel like I’m doing the right thing because I’m constantly in prayer, whether petitioning or worshipping or acknowledging my sins. But I’m starting to realize that I’ve been treating prayer like a verbal diary, and that when I ask that a friend be healed of her illness or that my children develop strong ethics, that I’m kind of just hoping it will happen, rather than actually asking God, who has the power to do something about my requests.

It’s as if I’m just speaking into the abyss and calling it ‘Father,’ instead of actually taking the time beforehand to acknowledge that I’m asking to enter into the presence of the Lord of Lords.

I’ve recently been trying to quiet my thoughts more before I pray so that I can fully understand and appreciate the opportunity that’s been given to me, that I can approach the throne of God with my awe, my questions and my requests. It’s been humbling to do so, and at times, I’ve found myself wishing I could just go back to talking to the ceiling again because I don’t want to be so introspective or patient. But building a relationship, any relationship, takes time and vulnerability. I’m truly not interested in just having religion (rules and regulations). I want to have a relationship with God, one where I cling to Him and know Him, not just His handiwork and handouts.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

This is such a great observation. Thank you. :) I, too, don't want to just speak into the abyss.