One of the baby birds fell out of the nest this morning and died. I know I only knew of them for a little more than a week, but I had become so attached. I watched them all day long. Took pictures all the time. The first thing I did every morning was look outside my bedroom window because they were directly across from it. I was absolutely fascinated with them.
So my heart is aching, knowing that one of them didn't make it. I wonder if Momma is sad. I wonder if she flew down and tried to help her baby. I wonder if his siblings miss him. I wonder if they understand.
I wonder if I will ever understand God. His Word says that He takes care of the birds. Well, what about that bird? Why did his life have to be cut so short? For what purpose? How does that glorify Him? Is the life cycle of nature supposed to teach us about our own lives? To help us relate to it as we get older and slow down ourselves. To help us understand that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. Is God in the business of population control when it comes to nature? Is it to help us appreciate how fragile and short LIFE in general is?
All I know is that I was relating to this little birdie family and gathering strength from God's promise that He takes care of His creation. And NOW.........
I feel very fragile. It's not like I don't trust that God will provide, but if His provision can allow the death of something so delicate and innocent and precious - well, that's kind of scary to me. (It's not like this is a newfound truth for me. Just fresh right now and thought I'd address it.) I know we just have to trust in His plan. That we can't expect a painless life. That it's in our pain that we cry out to our Father. It's in our pain that we learn to set boundaries. It's in our pain that we gather strength from those He has placed in our lives to comfort us. It's in our pain that we are brought to a doctor that can detect the early signs of something that would have been catastrophic if not found and treated. It's in our pain where we learn to appreciate and cherish those sweet pain-free moments.
And all of those things are precious to me. But it's scary to just trust your family, your life, to God when you know that He can allow really incredibly difficult things to happen to you. When He can do to me what He did to Job. Or to Momma. Or to any number of families out there.
How it is that I can become so attached to a little family of birdies is kind of incredible all in itself. I'm a tender, sensitive person. Very sentimental and very much in love with every shape and size of what we call 'families.' I know that God has left us the responsibility of taking care of these sweet animals. I wish I could have done something to prevent this death. I had thought just yesterday of putting a mattress on our hard deck, so that if a birdie fell out, it wouldn't get too hurt. But then I thought that was being silly and overly protective, and that I could trust that God would hold up His end of the deal.
God knew it was going to happen. It didn't escape Him or happen without Him noticing. And maybe He's not ok with it, and that He still allowed it because of His nature or something. I don't know. I do know that I still trust Him. That whatever happens, God can turn it into something beautiful (like that baby bird having a written tribute about him on the internet for all to read). Even if it happens to my family. I know that God's plan is good and that my not understanding it doesn't make it any less perfect.
Goodbye, sweet baby bird. Know that I prayed for you and am praying now for your family. Know that you brought a lot of joy to my life in the short time you were here.
(how silly am i?) I feel a little ridiculous doing that. But I think I'd feel more ridiculous not doing it.