All throughout my life, I tried many ways to gain happiness, success and love.
I tried stalking it.
I tried ignoring it, hoping it when come running to me.
I tried acting like I didn’t need it.
I tried to strike when it wasn’t looking, ready to take it hostage to make it my prisoner.
I tried being liberal.
I tried being conservative.
I tried restraining my urges.
I tried giving free reign to those urges.
I tried magic.
I tried logic.
I tried to be a pessimist.
I tried to be an optimist.
I tried being a wallflower.
I tried being the life of the party.
I tried medication, counseling and residential treatment centers.
I tried making good grades.
I tried cheating to achieve those grades.
I tried being skinny.
I tried being fat.
I tried boys.
I tried girls.
I tried sex, drugs and rock n roll.
I tried tattoos and body piercings.
I tried drinking and self injury.
I tried sobriety.
I tried being the victim.
I tried being the survivor.
At one point, I got tired of trying without any success, so I also tried death. When even that didn’t work, I finally gritted my teeth and tried the one thing I was least willing to try – a relationship with God.
I wanted to try religion less than I wanted to give up and die. I didn’t see why I should give God, if He actually existed, a chance after all the pain I’d been through. I figured that if there was a God, and if He was all-powerful like I’d heard He was, then He was a major jerk for allowing me to struggle so much, grasping at all those straws for a basic contentment with my life. But I was curious to see what He would do if I gave Him my life. I had failed so miserably, it’s not like He could have done worse. I decided to try to play by His rules, and I discovered, with much shock and relief, that those “rules” were there to help me. It was revealed to me that God isn’t a sadistic jerk, but rather a Father who loves His children with everything He is and that He will stop at nothing to reveal that Love to them. He gives His all, the least I could do was give Him a chance.
Thank you Lord for being who you are. For loving me. For saving me. For helping me realize that life isn’t about being successful and happy, it’s about being loved. When you’re that loved, you can’t help but be joyful, and success becomes playing a part in helping others realize this great love is meant for them too.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Advent Conspiracy
Watch the video and then decide for yourself what you can do. I'd love to hear your ideas.
Here's what we are doing:
I heard a great idea at my MOMs table a few weeks ago that we are beginning this year. We are only giving the kids three gifts each. Not that we ever gave a ton of presents before, but we are intentionally limiting the number to three in honor of the three gifts that Jesus received when He was born.
I've always been a fan of handmade gifts, and this year several of our friends and family have decided to exchange handmade items instead of buying gifts.
I'm one of those parents who has already told the truth about Santa to my kids (not that they believe me), but they have always received a gift from Santa. Mostly because every living soul you meet for the first few days after Christmas asks my kids what Santa brought them. I've never wanted Santa to be the hero on Christmas morning so he never gave them the gift they were most looking forward to. That was for Ben and me to do! But this year, I'm thinking that the Santa gift will be $10 for each person that they can give to the charity of their choice. Since the kids are young, I will select three charities and tell them about each one and then let them decide how to donate their money. I think St. Nick would approve.
I'm also buying gifts that support or donate to charities or that directly support the workers who made them. By buying jewelry made by women rescued out of the sex trade business, I am enabling them to stay out of harms way and get their dignity back.
Worship Fully. Spend Less. Give More. Love All.
Henry the 8th or Queen of Hearts?
Josh said this to me yesterday after I told him that he couldn't eat pumpkin pie for breakfast -
"Mom, I don't want to see your head anymore. I want your head to come off."
sheesh! 
Thursday, December 04, 2008
more more more!
Enjoying the snow
My dear friend Miss Amanda sent the kids these outfits for Christmas. Thanks Amanda!
and here are some funny faces
And this just about sums it all up! How funny is this?!
If you're going to have more of anything this season, let it be photos!
My dear friend Miss Amanda sent the kids these outfits for Christmas. Thanks Amanda!
and here are some funny faces
And this just about sums it all up! How funny is this?! If you're going to have more of anything this season, let it be photos!
Crafty
Ok, I do realize how silly this is, but looking outside just now at the falling snow, I pictured the earth like a giant ornament and God as Martha Stewart, sprinkling glitter all over us.
And it was a good thing. *hee hee*
And it was a good thing. *hee hee*
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Justice and Mercy
Can justice and mercy hold hands?
A few weeks ago, a member of our small group said that he struggles with the events that God allowed in the Old Testament times - the entire world drowning except for one family and a handful of animals, entire cities destroyed (women, children, possessions, livestock...). It just all seems so gratuitous for a God who claims to love indifferently and who is allowing such evils to prevail today in order to wait on the appointed number of believers who will be redeemed to come to faith.
If I'm being honest with myself, I admit that I tend to ignore that side of God and only focus on His loving attributes. It's easier for me to want to worship Him if I do that. How can I know that all this death occured and still call Him just and merciful? It seems like He picked a few favorites and then to hell with everyone else? (not meaning to come on so strong here, just talking through my thoughts.) I have no idea where the souls of those people are now. I don't know if they were given the same chance at redemption as I've been given. I just don't know.
But you know what? I don't have to know. Who am I to question God?
Over on the IJM Institute blog, a few of us are talking about this very topic. One of the commentors quoted a former teacher of a friend of hers. Here's the quote:
“Sometimes things in Scripture (or in the world, or in life) make it seem like God isn’t very just, or merciful, or loving because of the injustice, the hardness, and the hatred that we see. We try to filter God through our own understanding. BUT we can’t teach God justice or love. He is the definition of these things. So the question isn’t, “God, what’s wrong with You here?” Instead, the question really is-- “What’s wrong with ME here? How is my perspective wrong?” God IS just. God IS loving. God IS merciful. If He appears less than so to my finite mind, it’s because He’s BIGGER than my mind can comprehend.”
Isn't that profound? Furthermore, grace and mercy would mean nothing if not for our knowledge of what we are being saved from. If not given an example, how would we know what God is capable of? For the Good News to be understood as truly good, we need to know the Bad News first.
A few weeks ago, a member of our small group said that he struggles with the events that God allowed in the Old Testament times - the entire world drowning except for one family and a handful of animals, entire cities destroyed (women, children, possessions, livestock...). It just all seems so gratuitous for a God who claims to love indifferently and who is allowing such evils to prevail today in order to wait on the appointed number of believers who will be redeemed to come to faith.
If I'm being honest with myself, I admit that I tend to ignore that side of God and only focus on His loving attributes. It's easier for me to want to worship Him if I do that. How can I know that all this death occured and still call Him just and merciful? It seems like He picked a few favorites and then to hell with everyone else? (not meaning to come on so strong here, just talking through my thoughts.) I have no idea where the souls of those people are now. I don't know if they were given the same chance at redemption as I've been given. I just don't know.
But you know what? I don't have to know. Who am I to question God?
Over on the IJM Institute blog, a few of us are talking about this very topic. One of the commentors quoted a former teacher of a friend of hers. Here's the quote:
“Sometimes things in Scripture (or in the world, or in life) make it seem like God isn’t very just, or merciful, or loving because of the injustice, the hardness, and the hatred that we see. We try to filter God through our own understanding. BUT we can’t teach God justice or love. He is the definition of these things. So the question isn’t, “God, what’s wrong with You here?” Instead, the question really is-- “What’s wrong with ME here? How is my perspective wrong?” God IS just. God IS loving. God IS merciful. If He appears less than so to my finite mind, it’s because He’s BIGGER than my mind can comprehend.”
Isn't that profound? Furthermore, grace and mercy would mean nothing if not for our knowledge of what we are being saved from. If not given an example, how would we know what God is capable of? For the Good News to be understood as truly good, we need to know the Bad News first.
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