LOVE

Stephania Rogers

Feb. 17, 1927 - Nov. 30, 2007

Although these dates are indeed significant, it was the life she led during that little dash in the middle that really affected this world, and my life. I love you, Mamaw. I will miss you.

Is Jesus Enough?

I get these daily devotions from a wonderful group of ladies called the “Proverbs 31 Ministry.” Today’s devotion was called “Is my Jesus Enough?” Hopping on that topical bandwagon, I remember back when I was homeless. (By homeless, I mean I had a few places to spend the night, but I didn’t have a place of my own. Although I did spend a few nights on the streets just because I thought it was the right thing to do at one point.) I became a Christian while I was homeless. During that time, God just perched Himself on my shoulder and didn’t stop calling my name until I realized who He was.

When you are so persistently sought after and loved like that, you can’t deny it. And so I gave Him my life. I really didn’t want my life anyway and was kind of relieved to give it away. I remember when I finally realized that life is precious. I hadn’t thought of it like that, I guess. I had suffered from depression which really did a number of my perception of reality. I knew what a mess I could make out of my life and was eager to see what someone else might do with it. Had to be better than my failed attempt.

I wasn’t one of those Christians who hears the Gospel, responds to God’s call, and immediately goes back to living the life they had once lived. I didn’t want anything to do with my past way of living. It was a disaster. It wasn’t fun. It was stinking awful. So when I decided to give Christianity a ‘try,’ I wasn’t going to mess around. I had been given a portable tape player with a FM/AM radio, and every morning, after having poured over the phone book looking for places to go interview for a job, I’d head out for the bus and plug into what Christian station I could find. I found myself singing Christian songs at the bus stops and just feeling like I was floating. And I did like the music, but I really listened for the programs. I wanted to hear how other people had interpreted Scripture and what their experiences were like being a Christ-follower.

Then one day came when I didn’t want to have my attention taken away from God by these commentators, so I left my radio at home so that I could ‘just talk to Jesus.’ My bus ride, to and from the job I eventually got, took two hours. After work that day, I was eager to get back on the bus and ‘just talk to Jesus’ some more. I was enjoying my time and remembered a song that was played a lot at the time on the radio called “Just Give Me Jesus.” I prayed that I would never forget that all I ever really need is Jesus. That I could overcome anything as long as I had Him as my Savior.

I had to take several different buses to get home, and when I got off the bus in Downtown Dallas, I realized that I had left my purse on the last bus. I just laughed. It was as if God wanted to know if I really meant it, that if I had literally everything stripped away from me, would I be ok just having Jesus? Now I really should’ve panicked a little more. My purse had my ID, my last two dollars and my bus pass. If I didn’t get it back, I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t get to work the next day. I just couldn’t get anything.

But I was fine. Truly. I knew, really KNEW, that no matter what happened, I’d be alright since I had Jesus as my Savior. And I was. I asked the lady at the bus terminal to call the driver of the bus I’d last been on. The driver found my purse and brought it back to the terminal just in time for me to make the last bus that night going to the house in which I was living. My calm reaction surprised me. I hadn’t handled any kind of stress calmly before. Jesus was enough for me.

Last week, my Mamaw, my dad’s mom, went from bad to worse really quickly. She’d been in the hospital for a few weeks, having gone in because she couldn’t keep any food down. The doctors discovered that she had scar tissue causing a blockage in her colon. So they went in and cleared it out. But then she still couldn’t hold down anything. They did some more tests and determined that a portion of her stomach had stopped functioning. Just up and quit the job. During that time, she developed pneumonia in her lungs and a portion of her lungs had collapsed. They fixed that and were trying to remove the fluid from her lungs, but she really didn’t want any tubes hooked up to her. My family and I were down in Houston last week for Thanksgiving, so I had the opportunity to visit with her, and I did everyday, usually more than once a day. Thanksgiving evening, she started failing quickly, and my sweet uncle Danny called everyone to come up to the hospital. She had to be put on a breathing machine. She had already told her family that she didn’t want to be kept alive by machines and that if she was going to have to be kept alive with machines if she crashed, to not bring her back. After her children discussed it, they turned off the machines Saturday morning. We were all up there and sang hymns over her and read Scripture. It was even harder because I had to drive back up to Dallas that day. After I visited with her a couple of times and had lunch nearby, just in case, we left Houston.

And ever since, I’ve been a brat. I’ve been short with my children and my husband. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions, with no real attempt to harness them or control them. I’m a mess again. And I realized today, that as often as I’ve prayed for Mamaw to be comfortable and for my family to be comforted, I haven’t really allowed God to comfort me. I haven’t rested in knowing that no matter what, I’ve got Jesus, and that’s enough. That my Mamaw has ‘got’ Jesus, and that that’s enough. I have been jealous that she gets to go be with her Savior and reunited with her husband of over 50 years, my sweet Papaw. I’ve been jealous, mad, confused, and just really upset.

And she hasn’t even passed yet! They moved her back home so she could rest more comfortably. She’s got a strong ticker working for her. But we all know that without the help from those machines that her body just won’t last that much longer.

These last few days have taught me that I haven't been relying on God as desperately as I have in the past. As I need to on a daily basis. And it's so like Him, that this devotion would be sent this week to my inbox so that I could really ask myself whether Jesus is still enough for me.

Please pray for my family during this time. Mamaw is amazing, and although we are all excited for her to be in the presence of her Lord, we will all miss her terribly.

Freaking out

When your daughter can take you through each and every step needed (in proper order) to start and drive a car, you begin to kind of freak out as a mom. She's only ever observed this from her car seat in the back seat! She can also tell me exactly how to get to Grandma's and to church. She knows all the correct turns.

And when your 2 year old son holds up a puzzle of the alphabet and correctly names each and every one (even though he doesn't even sing the A-B-C song yet!), you might also, like me, get a little freaked out. But when he names all his colors and shapes (including the trapazoid!!!), you will most definitely freak out.

Is it just me, or does this freak you out too?

Growing Up

That's it! It's official. My kids are growing up! And it kills me. I want them to stay MINE forever. But they were never really mine to begin with. They are God's. And they are their own person too. I just get the immense pleasure of being around them everyday while they're young. So, like I said, it KILLS me that they are growing up. Because one of these days, they will go on their way and call me when they need money or want to vent. And they'll visit every once in a while, but it won't be the same. I won't be able to sneak into their bedrooms at night and say prayers over their sleeping little heads. I won't be able to make them sandwiches and have them think that I am "THE BEST MOMMY EVER!!" just because I use star shaped cookie cutters to make neat designs out of peanut butter and jelly.

Sigh.

I'm sure every other mommy out there understands this. And this post, if I have my way, will be the one and only time when I express these depressing sentiments. Because from here on out, I will only look at the time I DO have and make the most of it. I will not wallow in self-pity, I will enjoy having my house filled with the sounds of laughter bursting out of their beings when I let them ride on my back as I walk on all-fours across the floor. I will not feel sorry for myself, I will instead make as many star-shaped sandwiches as I can. I will love them as much as I can... and then I will love them some more.

Sigh.

What I CAN Do

My family and I went to Park Cities Presbyterian Church Sunday morning instead of our usual Sunday church, Chase Oaks Church. I hadn’t been to a Presbyterian church since college when I only went when I was paid to play my flute every once in a while. I always left right after worship.

The worship consisted of congregational readings, hymns sung from a hymnal, a time to reflect on our week and confess any sins that we had committed and a lengthy prayer time for the different members of the body. Actually, I really enjoyed it and thought it was easy to feel close to God. (More on that in another post, I’m sure.)

I went to this church because Gary Haugen, the president of the International Justice Mission, was speaking. I’ve read his book, “Good News about Injustice,” have his other book, “Terrify No More” on my books-to-get list, and am trying to find a group of high school or college-aged students to let me lead them through the Justice Mission curriculum. Gary Haugen is one of those guys who you see really being the hands and feet of Christ in this world. Because of this, I think of him as larger than life, more capable than I to do this kind of work, a man being pretty close to aligning his heart and his life with the heart of Jesus.

So I was totally intimidated when I walked into the sanctuary and laid eyes on him. I was slightly worried that he’d see me as a wanna-be abolitionist and not be able to recognize that, like him, my heart aches for the injustices of this world. Although, unlike him, I don’t feel like I do much about it. Actually, he was lovely, greeting me when the congregation welcomed each other. At the end of his sermon, he had mentioned that the congregation could read his book, sign up to receive prayer requests from them and regular updates on what they are doing in the fight against injustice in the world. After the sermon, I approached him and mentioned that I already do all that, but I want to do MORE. He gave me his card and said to email him about any further help I could be to IJM. To help you realize what a goober I am, I have been carrying that card around with me everywhere like it's a prized baseball trading card or something.

Mr. Haugen’s sermon was called “Unfamiliar Passions of God” and these consisted of God’s passion for the world and His passion for justice. He mentioned that frequently our view of ‘the world’ isn’t the same as God’s. God isn’t just referring to our shriveled world of me and my family and my friends, those whom I like and who like me. He’s referring to everyone. Even those who would kill us in a heartbeat just because we don’t believe the way they do.

He asked a very important question that has stuck with me. He said “How is this world supposed to believe that God is good?” How can they believe that God is good when their needs are largely ignored by the world? How can they believe that God is good when they are intentionally mistreated by those who abuse their power?

We all know that this world of ours stinks for some people. If you are reading this, you have access to electricity and education, unlike many of God’s children. We’ve probably all heard of the hungry people in Africa, the sick, the people in South America and Mexico affected by hurricanes and those in South Asia who are constantly rebuilding their communities after earthquakes or tsunamis ravage their land. But the need is so great. It’s huge. Can these people look around them and believe that God is good?

Does God have a plan to convince the world that He is indeed good? Actually Scripture says so. WE are the plan, and God doesn’t have any other plan.

What? ME? Yeah, right. What can I do?

To see Christ’s heart, the world needs to see His body. God has put His reputation on the line in the character of His people. Are we doing a good job?

To help us understand the kind of injustice that God speaks out against in Scripture, Mr. Haugen mentioned that he often feels as if he is a constant victim of injustice. He said that he’s in a hurry a lot, and when he shops for groceries, he makes sure to only get 10 items so that he can use the express lane. And sometimes, to his horror, he will notice that the guy in front of him has 13 items! That Gary Haugen. Such a funny guy.

Is this really the kind of injustice that God refers to in Scripture? The bible is filled with references to justice, often aligning it with what is right. Job 8:3 says “Does God pervert justice? Does the Almighty pervert what is right?” Job 29:14 says “I put on righteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and my turban.” 1 Kings 10:9 and 2 Chronicles 9:8 both say to “maintain justice and righteousness.”

Psalm 11:7 says “For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face.” THIS is how the world will see that God is good.

Injustice in the bible refers to the abuse of power by some to take from people what God intended for them to have. This is the same injustice that IJM is fighting against today.

A few posts back I wrote out a portion of Mr. Haugen’s book, “Good News About Injustice.” He had asked us to consider when the disciples ask Jesus to send away the 5000 people who had gathered to hear Him teach. They mentioned that they didn’t have anything to feed them. The disciples were looking at the large amount of need and felt paralyzed to do anything about it. But what they didn’t understand was that if they just gave Him what they had, the young boy’s lunch of 2 loaves of bread and some fish, then He could provide for all. It’s like that with us. I can look at the world around me and become paralyzed in despair. As much as I have exposed myself to learning more about these beautiful children of God who are suffering under the powerful abuse of their captures, I’m doing nothing to help them recognize that my God is good if I feel so small compared to the abuse that I resist trying to reach them. Instead, what I should do is just give what I do have to Jesus, so that He can provide a way to rescue them from their oppressors and prove how truly good He is.

As of today, I don’t have the skill set that the victims of injustice deserve on their side. But I CAN pray. I CAN educate others who may have been blessed with the skills needed to be able to plead their case before those who can administer justice. I CAN financially support those who are serving on the frontlines. And as my heart swells with compassion, I CAN pray that someday, I can gain the necessary skills to be on the front lines, actually seeing the people’s faces as they realize that God is indeed GOOD!

Animoto

Check out this fun video that I made on Animoto.com. It's free to make a 30-second video like this. All you do is upload some pics, choose a song, and it does the rest. How cool is that?! Warning: This site is incredibly addictive! Don't say I didn't warn you.